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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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I've always wondered is jellyfish are sad because there are no peanut butter fish.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 03.19.17 @ 15:54pm

Turns out if you fake your death every monday work catches on.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 03.19.17 @ 15:54pm

My "Kiss me, I'm Irish" shirt only seems to be working on my dog.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 03.19.17 @ 15:54pm

Happiness is using an ATM and finding a receipt left behind by someone with an account balance lower than yours.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 03.19.17 @ 15:54pm

We should not have trusted anything Charlotte wrote in her web. She was consistently talking out of her ass.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 03.19.17 @ 15:53pm

I'd like to test the theory that money can't buy you happiness.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 03.19.17 @ 15:53pm

Why does Flo from Progressive needs to have an apron on to sell insurance. Is there something dirty about insurance we should know about?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 03.19.17 @ 15:53pm

I bet genies were a real thing until one jerk wished for genies not to exist anymore.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 03.19.17 @ 15:53pm

Every Scooby-Doo episode would literally be two minutes long if the gang went to the mask store first and asked a few questions.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 03.19.17 @ 15:53pm

Just how hairy was the dude who invented a shampoo called Head & Shoulders?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 03.19.17 @ 15:53pm

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Slowly, Waldo's wife and Mr. Sandiego started putting the pieces together.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 03.19.17 @ 15:52pm

Was wondering...when you have a mandatory meeting at work, why do the presenters always thank you for being there?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 03.19.17 @ 15:52pm

I often confuse reptiles and amphibians. Actually, if I'm being brutally honest, they pretty much never know what I'm talking about
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 03.19.17 @ 15:52pm

I'm trying to give up sexual innuendos. But it's hard........so hard......
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 03.19.17 @ 15:52pm

When you think about how big the Earth is, then how small it is compared to the Sun, and how the Sun is just a speck of dust in the universe, it's easy to justify eating an entire chocolate cake.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 03.19.17 @ 15:51pm

Sometimes I feel like people I know are just using me for my likes.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 03.19.17 @ 15:47pm

I don't get offered drugs nearly as often as D.A.R.E. said I would.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 03.19.17 @ 15:47pm

Sneezing is like using sonar to find polite people.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 03.19.17 @ 15:46pm

There are no winners the day following a green beer, corned beef, and cabbage binge.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 03.19.17 @ 15:46pm

There's a lot of perks being a single parent, for one no witnesses.
Posted By: Clarke - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 03.15.17 @ 08:41am

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