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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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Why do people say "Tuna Fish sandwich?" That's like saying "Chicken Bird sandwich."
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 06.12.17 @ 14:26pm

I just keep telling myself you guys don't have sex either.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 06.12.17 @ 14:26pm

People who help you find what you are looking for in a liquor store should be called "Spirit Guides."
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 06.12.17 @ 14:26pm

My wife told me to get a real job or pack my bags! She must be losing it! Who threatens someone with a vacation?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 06.12.17 @ 14:25pm

Just burned 2000 calories. That's the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I take a nap.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 06.12.17 @ 14:25pm

I googled "cigarette lighter" and got 150000 matches.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 06.12.17 @ 14:25pm

Still waiting for a criminal on Law and Order to say,,, "Hey,, Aren't you Ice-T?"
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 06.12.17 @ 14:25pm

Sometimes I STOP when it's not even Hammer time
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 06.12.17 @ 14:25pm

The downside of dating intelligent women is having to Google what they call you when it ends badly
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 06.12.17 @ 14:24pm

I will admit, my statuses sound a bit different when read aloud by the prosecuting attorney.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 06.12.17 @ 14:24pm

We would like to thank everyone that submits statuses to the site. Many get rejected because we don't think they are funny, or they are unreadable, or they are to inappropriate and offensive.
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When I'm in a good mood I act like I'm I'm in a bad mood so nobody approaches me and ruins my good mood.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 06.12.17 @ 14:23pm

I feel like I could give a great NBA locker room speech. "Guys, we're all millionaires, none of this matters."
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 06.12.17 @ 14:23pm

Divorce... The most common home improvement project.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 06.12.17 @ 14:23pm

Does ke$ha go by k€sha in Europe?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 06.12.17 @ 14:23pm

Just noticed there's no comma in "Bed Bath & Beyond" and honestly, a bed bath would solve a lot of my problems.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 06.12.17 @ 14:23pm

My therapist says I am too preoccupied by vengeance.... We'll see about that.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 06.12.17 @ 14:22pm

How does Ice-T order an Iced Tea without sounding like a douche?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 06.12.17 @ 14:22pm

I don't mind helping people as long as I'm not slightly inconvenienced.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 06.12.17 @ 14:22pm

How many people actually tell everyone that you said Hi.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 06.12.17 @ 14:22pm

I never make plans until I know how I am getting out of them.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 06.12.17 @ 14:22pm

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