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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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I have removed all the unhealthy food from my house ... It was delicious.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 12.4.16 @ 12:50pm

Day six of my push-up challenge. So far, I've eaten 107 push-up pops.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 12.4.16 @ 12:50pm

I never thought Id be the kind of person whod wake up early in the morning to exercise... and I was right.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 12.4.16 @ 12:50pm

A Slinky is a great way to teach young children that it's fun to push things down the stairs.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 12.4.16 @ 12:50pm

Just saw a Christmas tree drive by with a Smart Car strapped to the bottom of it.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny Christmas status update saying on Sunday, 12.4.16 @ 12:49pm

Sorry to burst your bubble, but your waiter doesn't really think your choice was excellent.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 12.4.16 @ 12:49pm

If you replace the "W" in "where" "what" and "when" with "T" you get answers to the questions.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 12.4.16 @ 12:49pm

Does anybody know how to disable the autocorrect feature on my wife ?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 12.4.16 @ 12:49pm

Last year I won a $50 gift card to Chili's at a Christmas raffle. ...... This year I've decided my Secret Santa gift is going to be a $14.37 gift card to Chili's.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny Christmas status update saying on Sunday, 12.4.16 @ 12:49pm

I Wonder what Facebook Employees do to waste time at work ?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 12.4.16 @ 12:48pm

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I learn something new every day that I didn't want to know.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 12.4.16 @ 12:48pm

Arguing politics is like trying to convince someone that their baby isn't cute.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 12.4.16 @ 12:48pm

I bet someone could get really rich opening a business that untangles Christmas lights!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny Christmas status update saying on Sunday, 12.4.16 @ 12:48pm

Installing home security cameras seemed like a great idea but explaining my dance offs with the dog was something I should've considered.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 12.4.16 @ 12:48pm

After lengthy reflection, Ive concluded that having kids wasnt worth the seven times my son took out the garbage for me.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 12.4.16 @ 12:47pm

Holiday Shopping Tip #112:Next time you see someone with their arms full of bags looking around a parking lot while pointing and clicking their horn button, help them out and start pushing your horn button too!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 12.4.16 @ 12:10pm

I just want to be rich enough to be referred to as eccentric instead of crazy.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 12.4.16 @ 12:10pm

Ever gotten that awkward feeling? ..like the one when you realize you're chewing on a BORROWED pencil?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 12.4.16 @ 12:10pm

Synonym: Word used in place of the one you can't spell.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 12.4.16 @ 12:10pm

I've decided that throughout the time period starting with Thanksgiving, continuing on to Christmas and ending on New Years Day, the term 'Calories" regarding all food shall be referred to as "Deliciousness Points."
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 12.4.16 @ 12:10pm

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