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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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Tenderizing the meat sounds a lot sexier than it is
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 07.13.18 @ 16:35pm

My mom never allowed violent video games. Just family-friendly board games with questions like, "Who murdered this guy with a pipe?"
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 07.13.18 @ 16:35pm

Zoning out is your brainís way of saying ďYou look bored. Let me take you to a better place.Ē
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 07.13.18 @ 16:34pm

So how long before GoFundMe is our nation's leading health care provider?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 07.13.18 @ 16:34pm

The Fourth of July was an annual reminder of how useless my dog would be in a war.‬
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 07.13.18 @ 16:34pm

I just decorated my bedroom to look like my desk at work so I can fall sleep faster.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 07.13.18 @ 16:34pm

My blind neighbor sure does take his dog on a lot of walks...
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 07.13.18 @ 16:34pm

"Hi, I'm here to ruin your life" - Social media
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 07.13.18 @ 16:33pm

Of course Iíll buy a polished rock made into a necklace. Iím on vacation, arenít I?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 07.13.18 @ 16:31pm

If it's alcoholic anonymous. Why do the members stand up an in-troduce them selves?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 07.13.18 @ 16:31pm

We would like to thank everyone that submits statuses to the site. Many get rejected because we don't think they are funny, or they are unreadable, or they are to inappropriate and offensive.
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Would a transformer buy life insurance or car insurance?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 07.13.18 @ 16:31pm

If I pretend to be dead will you stop talking?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 07.13.18 @ 16:30pm

If Wonder Woman and Spiderman went into business together would they call it Amazon Web Services?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 07.13.18 @ 16:29pm

Cactuses are just heavily armed cucumbers.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 07.13.18 @ 16:29pm

A worm is a pretty disappointing prize for getting up early if you ask me.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 07.13.18 @ 16:26pm

If "The Breakfast Club" was made today, it would be a silent film about five kids staring at their phone
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 07.13.18 @ 16:25pm

Iím not a sore loser ... thanks to Vicodin.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 07.13.18 @ 16:24pm

Answering my phone and saying... FBI fraud division. Has really cut down on the telemarketers.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 07.13.18 @ 16:24pm

I exercised once, but found I was allergic to it. My skin flushed and my heart raced. I got sweaty and short of breath. Very dangerous.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 07.13.18 @ 16:23pm

Dear future husband, hereís a few things you need to know If you want to be my one and only all my life. I will not be an ex wife .. only a widow
Posted By: WJB - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 07.7.18 @ 11:23am

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