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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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It's amazing how different the phrases "alcohol free" and "free alcohol" are.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny drinking status update saying on Saturday, 02.17.18 @ 12:24pm

Often, when I am reading a good book I stop and thank my teacher. Well, I used to. Until she got that restraining order.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 02.17.18 @ 12:23pm

Everyone is gifted......But not everyone opens their present
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 02.17.18 @ 12:22pm

For Sale. Old batteries, free of charge.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 02.17.18 @ 12:22pm

With so many things coming back in style, I can't wait until morals and intelligence become a trend again.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 02.17.18 @ 12:22pm

Saying I have a drinking problem is like saying Bruce Lee had a kung fu problem, it's not a problem if you're good at it.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny drinking status update saying on Saturday, 02.17.18 @ 12:21pm

People always say, "You can't have your cake and eat it too." I say, "Of course you can. Just make two cakes!"
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 02.17.18 @ 12:21pm

It's hard to focus on a home workout when your home also contains a refrigerator full of delicious food
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 02.17.18 @ 12:20pm

Which nipple does the red jumper cable go on again?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 02.17.18 @ 12:19pm

The olympics is the only time when you hear "Great execution by North Korea" and it seems okay.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 02.17.18 @ 12:17pm

We would like to thank everyone that submits statuses to the site. Many get rejected because we don't think they are funny, or they are unreadable, or they are to inappropriate and offensive.
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Remember when people had diaries & got mad when someone read them? Now they put everything online and get mad when people don't
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 02.17.18 @ 12:17pm

Smile at the people who hate you. It makes them wonder what you're up to. :)
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 02.17.18 @ 12:17pm

I hate it when I tell someone I'll be there in 10 minutes, but they continue to call me every half-hour anyway
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 02.17.18 @ 12:16pm

Apple is looking to expand its market share among Latinos. No word yet on the release date of their newest device, the iCaramba.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 02.17.18 @ 12:16pm

If you work on a farm and your job is to take care of chickens, you are a chicken tender.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 02.17.18 @ 12:16pm

Presidentsí Day is just another made up holiday to sell more presidents
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 02.17.18 @ 12:15pm

Why do we offer "a word to the wise" when it's the stupid ones that need the advice?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 02.17.18 @ 12:15pm

Mother mosquito: Hey kiddo, how was your first flight? kid mosquito: Great mom! Everyone was clapping for me.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 02.17.18 @ 12:15pm

100 years ago everyone owned a horse and only the rich had cars. Today everyone has cars and only the rich own horses. The stables have turned.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 02.17.18 @ 12:15pm

I just want to point out that I am an Amazon Prime member so it's about time you guys started treating me with a little respect.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 02.17.18 @ 12:14pm

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