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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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"Wow, that Hungry Man TV dinner sure lives up to its name!" said no hungry man ever.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 07.19.17 @ 09:55am

Next time you think life's not fair..think of this x large clothes cost $2 more than large so why doesn't small cost $2 less ? Being fat ....now that's unfair
Posted By: MSW - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.17.17 @ 21:53pm

The girlfriend told me to go out and get something that makes her look sexy.. so I went out and got drunk.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.17.17 @ 12:20pm

Not to brag or anything, but I don't need alcohol to make really bad decisions.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.17.17 @ 07:55am

Shopping tip: You can get shoes for a buck at bowling alleys.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.17.17 @ 07:55am

Next time you fill out a job application and it asks about military service, it is best not to mention that you've gone Commando a few times in your life.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.17.17 @ 07:55am

If you run into someone you know and they say "we should hang out sometime", say "I'm ready to hang out now" and watch them panic.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.17.17 @ 07:54am

Not to brag, but, I've already consumed 174% of my daily fat requirement.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.17.17 @ 07:54am

Learn a lesson from your dog. No matter what life brings you, kick some grass over that crap and move on.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.17.17 @ 07:54am

There is no logical reason why short pants should cost the same as long pants.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.17.17 @ 07:54am

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I have nothing to update. I'm just making it look like I'm doing something at a party so people won't talk to me.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.17.17 @ 07:54am

That awkward moment when the woman your dancing behind bends over so you can grind it, and you realize she's just lost an earring and nobody in Starbucks can hear your iPod...
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.17.17 @ 07:53am

Why do people ask "What the hell were you thinking?" Obviously I was thinking I was going to get away with it and not get caught.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.17.17 @ 07:53am

I really have to stop using this little microphone on my phone that types whatever you say as it keeps making mistakes punctuation point
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.17.17 @ 07:53am

Do NOT accept friend requests from Hormel Foods, it could be spam...
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.17.17 @ 07:52am

One night, as I as lying in bed, I looked up at the stars and thought to myself: "What the f#ck happened to the roof?"
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.17.17 @ 07:52am

People need to stop putting flyers on my car. I don't want to see a band called "Parking Violation" at the "Courthouse."
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.17.17 @ 07:52am

Ever notice that people who spend money on beer, cigarettes and lottery tickets, are always complaining about being broke and not feeling well?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.17.17 @ 07:52am

I tried being awesome today, but I was just so tired from being awesome yesterday.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.17.17 @ 07:51am

I wish the media and politicians would stop jumping to delusions.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.17.17 @ 07:51am

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