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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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My neighbors listen to AC/DC at 6:00 every morning. Whether they like it or not...
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 01.28.18 @ 10:36am

Women say all men are dogs, but fail to realize that dogs are the most loyal creatures in the world if you treat them right.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 01.15.18 @ 15:45pm

If you have to guess what a commercial is selling, it's always perfume.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 01.15.18 @ 15:43pm

When I see someone yawn, I yawn. I wish it was the same with exercising....
Posted By: Nath - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 01.15.18 @ 12:55pm

As a man I am so thankful I don't have to give birth. I could never go nine months without drinking.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny drinking status update saying on Sunday, 01.14.18 @ 23:53pm

This book on marriage says treat your wife like you treated her on the first date, so after dinner tonight I am dropping her off at her parents' house
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 01.10.18 @ 17:38pm

I don't know about you, but I've thought about running away more as an adult than I ever did as a child.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 01.10.18 @ 17:38pm

Instead of going to Starbucks, I like to make my own coffee, yell my name out incorrectly, and then light a $5 bill on fire.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 01.10.18 @ 17:38pm

If we aren't supposed to be too close to the microwave then why do they show us food twirling around in there?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 01.10.18 @ 17:37pm

Cashier: Would you like your milk in a bag? Me: No, let's just keep it in the carton, ok?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 01.10.18 @ 17:37pm

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I bought a screwdriver bit for my electric drill. It's useful for converting ordinary phillips screws into non removable screws.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 01.10.18 @ 17:37pm

My new years resolution is to try to actually finish someth
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 01.10.18 @ 17:37pm

A communist joke isn't funny unless everyone gets it.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 01.10.18 @ 17:37pm

It was so cold that when we milk the cows we got ice cream.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 01.10.18 @ 17:36pm

A cheap way to get Botox face is by walking your dog in zero degree temperature.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 01.10.18 @ 17:36pm

It's just a mater of time before bathrooms will eventually be called Selfie Rooms
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 01.10.18 @ 17:36pm

Three things Iím thankful for this time of year: Family, Friends, and Caller ID to avoid family and friends
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 01.10.18 @ 17:36pm

I decided to tell the kids that Santa is made up but nighttime home invasions are very real.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 01.10.18 @ 17:36pm

Orion's Belt is a huge waist of space.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 01.10.18 @ 17:35pm

Spicy food is like BDSM for your mouth
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 01.10.18 @ 17:35pm

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