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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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I'd like to thank the person who looked at a buzzing Bee-hive and thought: "Those ba$tards are hiding something delicious in there I know it."
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 09.18.11 @ 10:44am

People who walk in front of the theatre screen while you're watching a pirated movie on your computer are so rude.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 09.18.11 @ 10:43am

Happiness is realizing you can have as many drinks as you want ... cause you're not driving.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny drinking status update saying on Sunday, 09.18.11 @ 10:42am

I force my dog to watch animal abuse commercials just to show him how good he has it.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 09.18.11 @ 10:42am

Survival rule #1: Don't go first.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 09.18.11 @ 10:40am

So how many pokes does it take before its considered a heavy petting?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 09.18.11 @ 10:33am

You ever notice that the number of extra steps a drunk takes getting home? ...its staggering!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 09.18.11 @ 10:31am

There is nothing like sitting naked in a beanbag chair eating Cheetos. ...I sure hope they let me back in Walmart.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 09.18.11 @ 10:30am

You can look at some people and instantly know theyíre only going to get two awards in life, a birth and a death certificate.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 09.18.11 @ 10:28am

Things to do today.....pet all the spiders in my house at least twice with my shoe.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 09.18.11 @ 10:27am

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"Be yourself" is about the worst advice you can give some people.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 09.18.11 @ 10:25am

Today, I am doing my part to conserve energe, Iím going back to bed.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 09.18.11 @ 10:17am

likes to end all my phone calls with "Ok, I'll see you later on at the party!" and then quickly hang up. Let them figure it out.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 09.18.11 @ 10:02am

Why don't prison inmates just use liquid soap?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 09.18.11 @ 09:57am

Take my advice, I donít use it anyway.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 09.18.11 @ 09:57am

You can't buy happiness, but you can buy ice cream, and that's kind of the same thing.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 09.18.11 @ 09:21am

Just bought me a medical alert bracelet that says... "probably just sh!tfaced"
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 09.18.11 @ 09:09am

It's all fun and games until the cops show up.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 09.17.11 @ 15:00pm

Don't exercise ... fat people are harder to kidnap
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 09.17.11 @ 11:50am

There may be no excuse for laziness, but I'm still looking.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 09.17.11 @ 08:04am

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