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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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Its Friday ... my body is in for a much-needed drinking session
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny drinking status update saying on Friday, 09.2.11 @ 06:37am

off to bed...evil schemes don't dream themselves up.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 09.2.11 @ 06:35am

Some people have a natural talent for stupid. Others take that talent and actually ENHANCE it!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 09.2.11 @ 06:35am

I want to put a bib on a baby that says "This dumbass put my cape on backwards." lol
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 08.31.11 @ 17:39pm

When non-smokers come to My house....I ask them to stand outside while I have a smoke
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 08.31.11 @ 17:33pm

It's all sh*ts and giggles till somebody giggles and sh*ts
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 08.31.11 @ 17:31pm

You know you're fat when you run out of breath eating.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 08.31.11 @ 17:29pm

These ‘energy saving’ light-bulbs are bullsh!t. They take just as much effort to screw in as the ordinary ones.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 08.31.11 @ 17:23pm

Life is full of disappointments, I'll just add you to the list.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 08.31.11 @ 17:21pm

Instead of calling in sick, call in well. Tell them how great you feel not having to go to work today.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 08.31.11 @ 16:25pm

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I just had Déjà vu...and you were an asshole both times. 
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 08.31.11 @ 16:23pm

I'm so hot I stalk myself ;)
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 08.31.11 @ 16:21pm

The color 9 is my favorite letter.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 08.31.11 @ 16:20pm

this one time I was in a bush, and this squirrel was like hey, and I was like hey you can't talk to me your a squirrel and he was like yea I know lmao
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 08.31.11 @ 16:18pm

Just took a shower. You have no idea how hard it was to sneak that thing out of Home Depot.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 08.31.11 @ 16:14pm

<-- Is my name! Isn't it awesome!?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 08.31.11 @ 16:13pm

The judge says I'm a repeat offender, but he always says that.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 08.31.11 @ 16:12pm

If you ain't laughin, you ain't livin!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 08.31.11 @ 16:11pm

My favorite beer is the 15th one.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 08.31.11 @ 16:10pm

I'm off to get my beauty sleep. Yeah, I know...I'm already so beautiful you can't stand it! I promise...a little more isn't lethal...yet! ;) Goodnight!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 08.31.11 @ 16:09pm

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