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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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I've had such a bad week First my girlfriend got run over by a bus, then I lost my job.. ..as a bus driver
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 09.13.11 @ 13:44pm

I have an inferiority complex, but it's not a very good one.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 09.13.11 @ 13:43pm

On your birthday I think the Airlines should let you exit the plane on the inflatable slide.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 09.13.11 @ 13:43pm

Soup of the day: Tequila.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny drinking status update saying on Tuesday, 09.13.11 @ 13:42pm

You can either agree with me, or you can be wrong.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 09.13.11 @ 13:42pm

You may think I'm a loser, but to my goldfish, I'm the god of flakes.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 09.13.11 @ 13:41pm

You know how we smack your household appliances when they're malfunctioning and it makes them work? I wish you could do that with people.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 09.13.11 @ 13:40pm

A homeless man comes up to me asking for change, I say "Change comes from within." He looked stunned.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 09.13.11 @ 13:40pm

Like a good neighbor, stay over there
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 09.13.11 @ 13:39pm

If it were easy then everyone would act like me.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 09.12.11 @ 19:27pm

We would like to thank everyone that submits statuses to the site. Many get rejected because we don't think they are funny, or they are unreadable, or they are to inappropriate and offensive.
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According to the U.S. Census Bureau: 190,374 people are having sex right now, 212,130 are kissing, and 1 poor person is reading this post. You hang in there!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 09.12.11 @ 18:13pm

Exercise... the poor person's plastic surgery
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 09.11.11 @ 15:18pm

I think I may have just inadvertently accomplished something!!!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 09.10.11 @ 22:09pm

When people introduce themselves to me for the first time, I tell them, "Yes, we've met before." So they feel awkward trying to remember me
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 09.10.11 @ 22:07pm

What I lack in vocabulary, I make up for in…you know...stuff...and...things...
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 09.10.11 @ 22:06pm

If you like to make love while listeninag to music, always choose live album. ..That way you'll get an applause every 3 to 4 minutes. :)
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 09.10.11 @ 14:38pm

I want to start a womans magazine called "Period". ..then every few months I'll send it out late JUST to freak them out. ;)
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 09.10.11 @ 14:34pm

Do you want to hear a joke about constipation and dementia? ...Well, tough sh!t, I forgot it.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 09.10.11 @ 14:33pm

The secret to success is sincerity. Once you can fake it then you've got it made!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 09.10.11 @ 14:31pm

Have you ever wondered about the look on someone's face if you hide under their bed and grab their foot in the middle of the night? Just something to think about.....goodnight!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 09.10.11 @ 14:30pm

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