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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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If I had to describe myself in one word, it would be "bad at following directions."
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 08.28.11 @ 10:18am

just realised SATURDAY has the word TURD in it
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 08.27.11 @ 21:51pm

If it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck and looks like a duck then it could be a dragon doing a duck impersonation.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 08.27.11 @ 13:42pm

Never trust a skinny chef
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 08.27.11 @ 08:37am

thinks whoever said, "All men are created equal", obviously has never been to a nude beach!!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 08.27.11 @ 08:37am

I can already tell it's going to be another one of those mornings where I'm not rich and famous.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 08.27.11 @ 08:34am

cofeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffee... Wheeeeeeeeee!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 08.27.11 @ 07:53am

All of those in favor of bitch slapping stupid people, say "I"
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 08.26.11 @ 20:46pm

is deep in thought . . . if only i could remember what i was thinking about
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 08.26.11 @ 20:46pm

Comment if you think I'm normal... Like this if you think I'm crazy... Copy this if you know your crazy too! And if your me... OMG TURKEY SQUIRREL! :)
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 08.26.11 @ 20:45pm

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■It’s time to clean the refrigerator when something closes the door from the inside.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 08.26.11 @ 18:43pm

I’m trying to read a book about how to relax, but I keep falling asleep
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 08.26.11 @ 18:38pm

My credit card company called. They want me to leave home without it.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 08.26.11 @ 18:34pm

Steve Jobs' text was meant to say: "I reign as CEO of Apple" Iphone autocorrect strikes again!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 08.26.11 @ 18:31pm

Every time I lose some weight, I find it again in the refrigerator.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 08.26.11 @ 18:29pm

I think sharks eat people just to be on tv.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 08.26.11 @ 18:28pm

If you have a parrot and you don’t teach it to say,”Help, they’ve turned me into a parrot” ...you're wasting everybody’s time.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 08.26.11 @ 18:21pm

when I'm quiet, strangers look at me and think I'm shy. People who know me think: OMG! he's thinking! EVERYBODY RUN!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 08.26.11 @ 18:16pm

Here Friday Friday...come on...hurry up! Oh no you don't! You come when I call you damn it! Get your a$$ over here. ... good boy!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 08.26.11 @ 18:12pm

I enjoy short walks to the fridge
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 08.26.11 @ 18:09pm

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