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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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I don't understand interventions. What's the point of being told I drink too much by a room full of the reasons I drink in the first place?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny drinking status update saying on Saturday, 10.8.11 @ 21:10pm

I start to feel really anxious when my work piles up. I never know what to ignore first.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 10.8.11 @ 10:20am

My kids think I'm uncool like I thought my parents where. Time to get even! ;)
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 10.8.11 @ 10:17am

If I had a dollar for every time someone has told me to grow up, I could probably afford a whole arsenal of Super Soakers.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 10.8.11 @ 10:06am

When anyone ask me to babysit, I ask if their kid is a "mean drunk" or a "happy drunk." Gets me out of it every time.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 10.8.11 @ 10:05am

Collecting my thoughtsÖ I almost have a whole set! ;)
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 10.8.11 @ 10:04am

Iíve got about as much self control as two rabbits on a first date!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 10.8.11 @ 10:03am

If you speak too slowly, I will complete all your sentences in my mind in ways that makes your story much more interesting
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 10.8.11 @ 10:00am

I need to learn the rules to make sure I don't accidently follow them
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 10.8.11 @ 09:59am

Nothing is more heartbreaking than unappreciated sarcasm!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 10.8.11 @ 09:58am

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I just got kicked out of the Zoo! How was I supposed to know that real hippos don't actually eat marbles?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 10.8.11 @ 08:52am

wants to remind you this Halloween, that as a general rule, don't solve riddles that open portals to Hell.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 10.8.11 @ 07:45am

Life really is all down-hill once you get to big too ride in the shopping cart anymore isnt it??
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 10.8.11 @ 07:43am

You say Iím dirty minded, but how did you understand what I meant?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 10.7.11 @ 23:21pm

My neighbors complained that I never mow my lawn. So I started mowing. The cops showed up at 3 a.m.. These neighbors are never happy...
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 10.7.11 @ 23:20pm

I can't stand people who blame everyone else for their problems....I'd be successful and happy by now if it wasn't for them!!!!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 10.7.11 @ 23:18pm

If anybody steals my identity, at least Iíll know who to look for.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 10.7.11 @ 23:16pm

If the cup is only half full, I suggest buying a smaller bra.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 10.7.11 @ 23:14pm

They keep telling me theres plenty of fish in the sea, but I havent caught one in years, soooo I continue to sit here, holding my rod.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 10.6.11 @ 22:55pm

Nothing improves creativity like a lack of supervision!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 10.6.11 @ 22:36pm

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