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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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PLEASE - put this on your status if you know someone (or are related to someone) who has been eaten by dragons. Dragons are nearly unstoppable and, in case you didn't know, they can also breathe fire. 93% of people won't copy and paste this, because they have already been eaten by dragons. 6% of people are sitting in the shower armed with fire extinguishers and the remaining 1% are awesome and will re-post.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 05.19.11 @ 21:11pm

To ensure you never cut yourself while chopping vegetables, get a friend to hold the vegetable.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 05.19.11 @ 20:23pm

I read somewhere that we only use 10% of our brains. I wonder what the other half is for?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 05.19.11 @ 16:27pm

3 bottles of bleach: $15.00. One rope, 3 rolls of duct tape, and a shovel: $35.00. 3 boxes of trash bags: $10.00. The look on the cashier's face: Priceless!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 05.18.11 @ 23:28pm

Just stepped outside, closed my eyes, took a deep breathe of fresh air, sipped a Dew. What a perfect morning, what could go wrong? Crap I forgot 2 put pants on!

Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 05.18.11 @ 22:03pm

I saw a bumper sticker today that said "I miss New York", so I smashed their window and snatched their laptop...

Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 05.18.11 @ 20:33pm

I went to the Dr today with severe headaches .. he asked if I suffered from any memory loss. I said "How the F would I know?"

Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 05.18.11 @ 20:32pm

When life hands you lemons it should only remind you to buy more tequila, life is as simple as that.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny drinking status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 23:20pm

Somewhere, right now.. One of my Facebook friends is already drunk!

Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 23:19pm

I was drivin home tonight and was singin away and seen a tree ahead and swerved to miss it and realized it was my air freshener hangin from my rear view mirror!!!! CLOSE CALL!!!

Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 23:19pm

We would like to thank everyone that submits statuses to the site. Many get rejected because we don't think they are funny, or they are unreadable, or they are to inappropriate and offensive.
Check out more at Almost Silly Statuses

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet

Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 23:18pm

The awkward moment when someone deletes their comment on facebook and you look like you’re talking to yourself.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 23:17pm

Are you supposed to get an email that says “HAHAHAHAHA” after signing up for Match.com?

Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 23:17pm

Next time I'm on an elevator with four or more strangers, I'm going to turn around and say, "I'm sure you're wondering why I've gathered you all here."

Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 23:15pm

FYI....just in case something happens.....The cashier at the liquor store down the street is my emergency contact person.

Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 20:30pm

Who´s up for Candyland? $20 buy in
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

Having kids puts a new perspective on life.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

NyQuil is great. I love the way it comes with it´s own shot glass
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

wants to rock and roll all night
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

1, 2 Freddie´s coming for u 3, 4 better lock the door 5, 6 grab your crucifix 7, 8 gotta say up late 9, 10 never sleep again
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

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