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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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If you can´t amaze people with your intelligence, confuse them with your bullsh*t
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

I didn´t outsmart you. You just outdumbed me.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

Dont you hate it when you open a bag of chips and its half full?! Yeah, that´s how us guys feel about push-up bras!!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

Laptop speakers, too quiet for music, too loud for porn.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

Man, that .01% of germs that can´t be killed by hand sanitizer must be some bad a$$ sh!t
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

Honking your horn won´t make them go any faster, but at least they´ll know that you´re an asshole.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

So I´ve narrowed it down and I´m either gonna start a motorcycle gang or take a nap.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

believes saying "hi" with a big smile can brighten anyone´s day ... even those who give you the middle finger for cutting them off in traffic.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

I wish all these vegetarians would stop eating my food´s food!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

popsicle sticks: $1. caramel: $3. onion: $1. watching ur kid bite into a caramel onion thinking its an apple: priceless.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

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Today I caught myself smiling ... I was thinking of you ... Don´t flatter yourself though, it was because you had a booger in your nose the last time I saw you.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

Money may not buy happiness but it can certainly improve the quality of your misery
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

Walked into the kitchen for orange juice; walk out with sandwich, crackers, chocolate milk, and the TV remote I lost 30 minutes ago
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

I´m the kind of person that when my feet hit the ground each morning the devil says, "OH CRAP, HE´S UP"!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

The length of a minute depends on which side of the bathroom door you´re on.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

Have you ever make fun of someone so much, you think you should thank them for all the good times you´ve had?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

the kids next door have challenged me to a water balloon fight. just updating my status while waiting on the water to boil.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

I fight evil wherever it may be ... except in dark, scary places.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

Ahh..Monday, so we meet again ... You dirty bitch!!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

I have many thoughts. I just can´t remember any of them.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

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