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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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My box of animal crackers says "May contain nuts." So I'm inspecting each animal before I eat it...just in case.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 10.6.11 @ 22:34pm

When I was a kid and was going to "get it" that was bad. Now I'm an adult and I'm going to "get it" :)
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 10.6.11 @ 18:04pm

has often thought that what doesn’t kill us makes us drink stronger liquor.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny drinking status update saying on Wednesday, 10.5.11 @ 21:57pm

Take time to reflect upon your day. Think of all the blessings you received, and everything you may be called to testify about :)))
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 10.5.11 @ 16:24pm

That urge you get to write “No one gives a crap” on someone’s status.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 10.5.11 @ 16:19pm

I love everybody. Some I love to be around. Some I love to avoid. And some I’d love to punch them in the face.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 10.5.11 @ 16:18pm

I don't have any skeletons in my closet because I bury my victims in the backyard!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 10.5.11 @ 16:17pm

Life is harder for the beautiful people. I’m sorry you’ll never know.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 10.5.11 @ 16:16pm

I never use the phrase, "Your guess is as good as mine" because, well... it's not.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 10.5.11 @ 16:15pm

FINALLY home from work! So, yea...if your phone number is on your profile...I will be drunk dialing you in about 30 minutes or so.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 10.5.11 @ 16:13pm

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Childhood is like being drunk. Everyone remembers what you did, except you.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 10.5.11 @ 16:06pm

I forget, how much tequila goes in mashed potatoes?  Now that's funny, I don't care who you are. Oh, don't copy that part. I mean this part. Oh hell!! Your going to copy and paste the whole thing anyway ;)
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny drinking status update saying on Tuesday, 10.4.11 @ 23:14pm

I bought a pair of Meatloaf underwear today. On the front they say 'I would do anything for love'. On the back, 'But I wont do that!'
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 10.4.11 @ 23:04pm

I honestly don’t care if you think I’m crazy. You’re just a figment of my imagination anyway.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 10.4.11 @ 22:19pm

was going to argue with you...but then I remembered I really didn't care
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 10.4.11 @ 22:16pm

We all have that one person we forever regret giving our phone number to.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 10.4.11 @ 22:12pm

If you get angry, just relax, take a deep breath and count to ten, unless you're angry about oxygen and numbers.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 10.4.11 @ 22:10pm

Hey Monday┌П┐(◕‿◕) ┌П┐
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 10.3.11 @ 22:02pm

I am convinced God only created six days and the devil added Monday.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 10.3.11 @ 22:01pm

I've just woken up, and it appears that Earth is temporarily safe from harm & currently doesn't need my assistance, so I'm going back to bed.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 10.3.11 @ 21:56pm

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