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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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I was asked what I would give the woman who has everything? WellÖmy phone number for a start.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 07.23.11 @ 08:14am

A budget is just a method of worrying before you spend money, as well as afterward.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 07.23.11 @ 08:13am

I AM doing something with my life. Itís called screwing around.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 07.23.11 @ 08:12am

I looked up "thesaurus" in my thesaurus and it says "Don't be a smart-a$$".
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 07.21.11 @ 20:03pm

Thinks that thinking about thoughts of thinking are too thinkable for thoughts to be thought about thinking, I think.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 07.21.11 @ 19:47pm

Lying about my age is easier now that I have trouble remembering what it is.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 07.21.11 @ 19:28pm

Iím not getting old. Iím becoming a classic.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 07.20.11 @ 18:29pm

Roses are red. Violets are blue. Faces like yours belong in the zoo. Donít be mad, Iíll be there too. Not in the cage but laughing at you.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 07.20.11 @ 16:43pm

Today is the first day of the rest of my Vodka.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny drinking status update saying on Wednesday, 07.20.11 @ 07:47am

I left a note in the break room at work saying I had found five bucks. I hadn't found any money, but it was worth five dollars to learn which of my co-workers is a lying douchebag.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 07.19.11 @ 17:25pm

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Hating everything saves countless hours of decision making.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 07.19.11 @ 17:04pm

Whenever I delete an App on my iPhone, The shaking icons make me feel like they're all panicked over who's getting deleted.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 07.19.11 @ 17:03pm

I have lots of great personality traits. Or as my doctor calls them, symptoms.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 07.19.11 @ 17:00pm

I use profanity, the way Picasso used a paint brush
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 07.19.11 @ 16:53pm

As you Mature... you learn that you cannot make someone love you.. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in..
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 07.19.11 @ 16:50pm

Crazy? ... My therapist does say I should quit talking to myself.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.18.11 @ 17:53pm

Is beer cheaper off the kids menu
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.18.11 @ 17:47pm

I got up at 7:00 this morning .. lather rinse repeat ... †How long do you have to do this for?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.18.11 @ 17:04pm

If you're not the lead dog, the scenery never changes!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 07.17.11 @ 10:06am

Sometimes the majority only means that all the fools are on the same side.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 07.16.11 @ 14:16pm

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