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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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You'll never see me on Hoarders because I can't afford that much sh!t.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 08.19.11 @ 19:29pm

We could learn a lot from bees. Organization, productivity, community sacrifice, stinging people who annoy us.......
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 08.19.11 @ 19:18pm

Dear facebook, please quit asking me what's on my mind. Eventually I'm going to get in trouble if I keep telling you.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 08.19.11 @ 19:18pm

On the first day of school, I tell all my students to rip up their textbooks ..then I leave before their REAL teacher arrives.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 08.19.11 @ 19:16pm

M̸o̸n̸, T̸u̸e̸s̸, W̸e̸d̸, T̸h̸u̸r̸s̸, Friday !!!!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 08.19.11 @ 15:46pm

Always have a goal. Example: Turn as much alcohol into urine as you can.†
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny drinking status update saying on Friday, 08.19.11 @ 15:43pm

Attention fuels immaturity
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 08.19.11 @ 15:42pm

~WARNING~ I will more than likely offend you at some point in time
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 08.19.11 @ 15:41pm

i never said i knew what i was doing, i said i was going to do it anyway :)
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 08.19.11 @ 15:40pm

I was on the treadmill for 20 minutes this morning. Tomorrow I might even turn it on, but letís not rush into things.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 08.19.11 @ 15:40pm

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If only my ceiling fan could hold my weight, then I would never be bored again.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 08.19.11 @ 15:36pm

I may not be the only egomaniac around here, but Iím the only one that matters.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 08.19.11 @ 15:35pm

Own the day
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 08.16.11 @ 21:25pm

Thinks that some of you make impulsive, poor thought out decisions. We should totally hang out more!!!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 08.16.11 @ 20:37pm

If u think I talk to much, just let me know. We can talk about it!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 08.16.11 @ 20:35pm

Life in the fast lane ? †Heck, I live in oncoming traffic.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 08.16.11 @ 20:34pm

The bat signal seems pretty useless if they need Batman during the day.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 08.16.11 @ 20:18pm

I am the type to fart in a crowded train and get just as upset as everyone else.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 08.16.11 @ 20:16pm

I'm certain that the reason for Wasps, Hornets, and Yellowjackets was to remind grown men that they can still scream like a little girl.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 08.16.11 @ 20:15pm

nothing
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 08.15.11 @ 22:10pm

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