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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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Unless life also gives you sugar and water, your lemonade's gonna suck!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 07.26.11 @ 20:00pm

Whoever said the camera adds 10 pounds should stop eating cameras.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 07.26.11 @ 17:55pm

The best nicknames are the ones people donít know they have
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 07.26.11 @ 17:52pm

Any convenience store that requires the customer to wear pants isnít convenient at all.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 07.26.11 @ 17:51pm

"Stop, Drop, and Roll" is not JUST an effective fire safety technique, but also a very memorable way of getting out of a boring conversation. :P
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.25.11 @ 14:25pm

I checked into a hotel this weekend. I told the girl I hoped the porn channel was disabled. She said "No, its just regular porn, you sicko"
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.25.11 @ 14:24pm

Statistically, I've come to the conclusion that I'm going to hell in multiple religions.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.25.11 @ 14:23pm

Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.25.11 @ 14:22pm

Iím giving up on the silent treatment. ...Going to start talking to myself again.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.25.11 @ 14:14pm

If tomatoes are classed as a fruit, then doesnt that mean that ketchup is technically a smoothie? ... hmmm
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.25.11 @ 14:13pm

We would like to thank everyone that submits statuses to the site. Many get rejected because we don't think they are funny, or they are unreadable, or they are to inappropriate and offensive.
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If lemons hand you life, youíre probably dyslexic
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.25.11 @ 14:11pm

The first step is admitting youíre a problem.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.25.11 @ 14:10pm

Life is tough. Itís even tougher if youíre stupid.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 07.24.11 @ 07:39am

It takes patience to listen.., it takes skill to pretend youíre listening.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 07.24.11 @ 07:38am

Best way to get a man to do something, is to suggest they are too old for it.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 07.24.11 @ 07:37am

What if there were no hypothetical questions?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 07.23.11 @ 19:53pm

People liking my status from a week ago on Facebook proves that I have stalkers.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 07.23.11 @ 19:52pm

Just sprayed a mosquito with mosquito repellant. Now, heíll never have any friends.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 07.23.11 @ 19:47pm

I hope Iím the last guy on earth ó I wanna see if all those women were lying to me.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 07.23.11 @ 19:46pm

Apparently dyslexia is not a good excuse for driving 53 in a 35.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 07.23.11 @ 14:17pm

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