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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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Relationships are like yard sales... They look good from a distance but you get there & realize its just a bunch of sh!t you dont need.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 09.21.11 @ 22:29pm

Money went much further in the 1980s when you could peel the price stickers off milk cartons and stick them on anything you needed
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 09.21.11 @ 22:28pm

So I'm giving up drinking. Hard liquor. On Wednesdays. In June. Next year. (Maybe.)
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny drinking status update saying on Wednesday, 09.21.11 @ 22:26pm

I hate it when I write a sarcastic Facebook status and someone who doesn’t speak sarcasm has to comment and ruin it.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 09.21.11 @ 22:24pm

Relationship Status: ( ) Single ( ) In a Relationship ( ) Married ( ) Engaged ( ) Divorced (X) Waiting for a miracle
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 09.21.11 @ 22:16pm

When buying a flat screen tv, always remember to put the box in your neighbor's trash so you don't get robbed.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 09.21.11 @ 16:53pm

Maybe Oscar wouldn't have been so grouchy if the people on Sesame Street cared about the fact that he's homeless
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 09.21.11 @ 16:51pm

Your call is very important to us. Please enjoy this 40 minute flute solo.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 09.21.11 @ 16:50pm

Why do people with bad breath always have to tell me secrets??
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 09.21.11 @ 16:44pm

You can't always decide who walks into your life, but you can decide which window to throw them out of.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 09.21.11 @ 16:39pm

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Why is it so hard to find an exercise bike with a nice little basket where I can put my nachos?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 09.21.11 @ 16:30pm

Can only please one person a day. Today isn’t your day
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 09.21.11 @ 06:42am

Only awesome people are allowed to ‘LIKE’ this status!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 09.21.11 @ 06:41am

I like to keep bartenders on their toes by making up drinks on the spot. "Yeah, I'll take a Dirty Hammock."
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny drinking status update saying on Tuesday, 09.20.11 @ 05:09am

Its all fun and games until you realize your Capri Sun has no straw.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 09.20.11 @ 05:09am

Attention...my facebook page has been hacked. But everyone seems to like the new guy better, me too actually...so fvck it!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 09.19.11 @ 23:45pm

My smoke detectors are always cheering me on for being such a great cook.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 09.19.11 @ 23:45pm

I'm a good singer. Unfortunately I have a bad voice.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 09.19.11 @ 23:44pm

I hate that feeling when you feel you wrote something good on facebook and then nobody likes your status. Depressing... :(
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 09.19.11 @ 23:43pm

Id explain it to you, but I don’t have any crayons with me.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 09.19.11 @ 23:42pm

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