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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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The funniest thing about this Facebook status is by the time you realize it doesn't say anything important, it's to late for you to stop reading it ... sucker
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 07.30.11 @ 13:05pm

If you don't pay your exorcist do you get repossessed?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 07.30.11 @ 07:10am

Of all the lies I tell, "I was just kidding!" is my favorite.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 07.28.11 @ 17:58pm

I swear... my remote just decides to take random vacations sometimes.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 07.28.11 @ 17:53pm

On a scale of 9 to 10, how would you rate me?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 07.28.11 @ 17:51pm

omg I just found out I'm allergic to exercise...at first I get all flushed, then I break out in a sweat, my heart starts pounding really fast, then I cant breath........i wont be doing that again!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 07.28.11 @ 17:51pm

If you ever hit rock bottom, bring some beer. I'm almost out.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 07.28.11 @ 17:49pm

When I hear someone say they hear voices in their head, I wonder if they’re just thinking for the first time.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 07.28.11 @ 17:47pm

Seriously, how can it be considered stealing when my neighbor’s WiFi signal was trespassing in MY house? I’m the victim here!!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 07.28.11 @ 17:38pm

I am so clever sometimes I don't even understand what I'm saying.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 07.27.11 @ 19:02pm

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Hard work never killed anyone but why risk it?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 07.27.11 @ 18:59pm

If people could read my mind, I’d get punched in the face a lot.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 07.27.11 @ 18:57pm

I did not mean to hurt your feelings when I called you stupid. I just figured you already knew.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 07.27.11 @ 18:56pm

Unless life also gives you sugar and water, your lemonade's gonna suck!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 07.26.11 @ 20:00pm

Whoever said the camera adds 10 pounds should stop eating cameras.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 07.26.11 @ 17:55pm

The best nicknames are the ones people don’t know they have
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 07.26.11 @ 17:52pm

Any convenience store that requires the customer to wear pants isn’t convenient at all.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 07.26.11 @ 17:51pm

"Stop, Drop, and Roll" is not JUST an effective fire safety technique, but also a very memorable way of getting out of a boring conversation. :P
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.25.11 @ 14:25pm

I checked into a hotel this weekend. I told the girl I hoped the porn channel was disabled. She said "No, its just regular porn, you sicko"
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.25.11 @ 14:24pm

Statistically, I've come to the conclusion that I'm going to hell in multiple religions.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.25.11 @ 14:23pm

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