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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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Is it really necessary for the first square of toilet paper to be glued down?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

I remember when downloading a song meant trying to tape it off the radio while hoping the DJ didnīt talk over the song.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

Dear Alcohol, Will you be my valentine? ?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny drinking status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

Iīm really bored but too lazy to do anything about it.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

I finally finished my 4,000 piece jigsaw puzzle. It reads- " Get a life you sad F**k "
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

is currently amending my "Who gets money" list when I win the lottery ... who has something nice to say?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

Last night I was thrown out of the casino for misunderstanding the use of the Crap table.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

My bank lets me send a text message and itīll text back with my balance. Itīs a cool feature but I didnīt think the LOL was necessary.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

OH Iīm sorry! I didnīt realise you were giving me a dirty look. I just thought you were ugly like that all the time!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I canīt remember the other two.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

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had a great time horseback riding today but then I ran out of quarters
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

Just in case you are wondering ... I did not go to Jared.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

If you think the things I say out loud are bad, you should hear the things I keep to myself.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

Itīs not that I hate you, itīs just.. well Iīll put it this way.. if you were on fire & I had water, Iīd drink it.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

Why is it when people ask you "what three things would you bring with you on a deserted island?" , no one ever replies, "A BOAT"
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

is running out of excuses for the stupid things I do. Please submit suggestions below.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

Who invented the brush they put next to the toilet? That thing hurts!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

received a call saying that my son had been lying in school, and was being expelled. I donīt have a son. That kid is one damn good liar.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

This morning I surveyed 100 women and asked them what shampoo they used when showering. 98 of them said, "How did you get in here?"
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

Life is short, break the rules, forgive quickly, kiss slowly, love truly, laugh uncontrollably and never regret anything that made you smile ?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

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