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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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Some people just need a high five. In the face. With a chair.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 09.13.11 @ 13:47pm

Life rarely hands me anything. Am I in the wrong line?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 09.13.11 @ 13:47pm

Men would be way more excited about cleaning if spray bottles made a laser noise.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 09.13.11 @ 13:46pm

Yes, Facebook says we're 'friends' but, trust me, I wouldn't hesitate to punch you in the face.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 09.13.11 @ 13:45pm

I'm a firm believer that if something takes 10 minutes to cook on 200 degrees then it should only take 5 minutes to cook on 400 degrees
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 09.13.11 @ 13:45pm

I've had such a bad week First my girlfriend got run over by a bus, then I lost my job.. ..as a bus driver
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 09.13.11 @ 13:44pm

I have an inferiority complex, but it's not a very good one.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 09.13.11 @ 13:43pm

On your birthday I think the Airlines should let you exit the plane on the inflatable slide.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 09.13.11 @ 13:43pm

Soup of the day: Tequila.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny drinking status update saying on Tuesday, 09.13.11 @ 13:42pm

You can either agree with me, or you can be wrong.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 09.13.11 @ 13:42pm

We would like to thank everyone that submits statuses to the site. Many get rejected because we don't think they are funny, or they are unreadable, or they are to inappropriate and offensive.
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You may think I'm a loser, but to my goldfish, I'm the god of flakes.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 09.13.11 @ 13:41pm

You know how we smack your household appliances when they're malfunctioning and it makes them work? I wish you could do that with people.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 09.13.11 @ 13:40pm

A homeless man comes up to me asking for change, I say "Change comes from within." He looked stunned.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 09.13.11 @ 13:40pm

Like a good neighbor, stay over there
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 09.13.11 @ 13:39pm

If it were easy then everyone would act like me.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 09.12.11 @ 19:27pm

According to the U.S. Census Bureau: 190,374 people are having sex right now, 212,130 are kissing, and 1 poor person is reading this post. You hang in there!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 09.12.11 @ 18:13pm

Exercise... the poor person's plastic surgery
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 09.11.11 @ 15:18pm

I think I may have just inadvertently accomplished something!!!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 09.10.11 @ 22:09pm

When people introduce themselves to me for the first time, I tell them, "Yes, we've met before." So they feel awkward trying to remember me
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 09.10.11 @ 22:07pm

What I lack in vocabulary, I make up for in…you know...stuff...and...things...
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 09.10.11 @ 22:06pm

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