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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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Somebody needs to teach opportunity how to use a doorbell.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 07.10.11 @ 19:48pm

I think I have a serious problem---Today I was reading the newspaper and found myself looking for the "Like" button.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 07.10.11 @ 11:23am

I’ve been waiting 2 hours for an employee to come and wash my hands like the sign says….
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 07.9.11 @ 14:08pm

My favorite part of a marathon is watching the reaction of runners who grab my plastic cup of vodka.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny drinking status update saying on Saturday, 07.9.11 @ 14:07pm

Sometimes people don't notice or appreciate the things we do for them, until we stop doing it. Then they are like, “Why don’t you stalk me anymore”
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 07.9.11 @ 07:46am

The only thing worse than it raining after you wash your car is having to go poop after you get out of the shower.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 07.8.11 @ 16:57pm

Sometimes I think if it weren't for the gutter my mind would be homeless...
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 07.6.11 @ 17:39pm

She might be ugly now, but wait a few more drinks.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny drinking status update saying on Tuesday, 07.5.11 @ 19:09pm

People are so predictable..I bet you're even reading this status right now.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 07.5.11 @ 19:08pm

I just found out the neighborhood is having a meeting about the creepy guy. ..Its weird that they forgot to invite me ..
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.4.11 @ 15:49pm

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I HATE it when I get invited to weird events on Facebook. ..For the FIFTH time, I do not want to go to your cat's birthday party. Damn it! ..My dog is getting married
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.4.11 @ 15:45pm

Did you know dryer sheets double as toilet paper and leave your a$$ smelling like meadows and rain drops?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 07.3.11 @ 08:46am

This is not the status message you are looking for .... Move along
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 07.3.11 @ 08:14am

I can't believe I was late for work tomorrow..
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 07.2.11 @ 22:45pm

This Tequila tastes like an afternoon of fun and bad decisions.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny drinking status update saying on Saturday, 07.2.11 @ 08:53am

I was like "No, Pepsi is NOT ok. I wanted a Coke." And she was all "Sir, 911 should only be dialed for real emergencies."
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 07.2.11 @ 08:50am

All the things I really like to do are either immoral, illegal, or fattening
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 07.2.11 @ 08:41am

I don't want it to seem like I'm trying to get rid of you, but GO AWAY!!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 07.2.11 @ 08:16am

Do me a favor if someone tells you they don't like me , tell them I don't like them either.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 07.2.11 @ 08:16am

This Status Update could be yours for six Easy Payments of $19.99
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 06.29.11 @ 23:27pm

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