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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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if its got tits you will get nothing but trouble !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 05.30.11 @ 03:19am

I could never trust a psychic who hasn't won the lottery at least once.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 05.28.11 @ 08:49am

I have to stop saying "How stupid can you be?" I think people are taking it as a challenge.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 05.28.11 @ 07:34am

I hate when the cops throw me in the back of the squad car like they didnít hear me call shotgun.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 05.27.11 @ 17:07pm

I thought about going outside and doing something today but my Wi-Fi really doesn't reach very far.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 05.25.11 @ 19:28pm

I could never trust a psychic who hasn't won the lottery at least once.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 05.25.11 @ 19:27pm

I bet the "YMCA" dance is a lot harder to do in different languages
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.24.11 @ 15:41pm

Nothing screams "I don't care about being on time for work" like hopping on Facebook first thing in the morning.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.24.11 @ 15:17pm

Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 05.23.11 @ 05:47am

Some idiots actually sold their homes and properties thinking the world was really going to end! What losers. I hope my boss gives me my job back on Monday
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 05.22.11 @ 12:44pm

We would like to thank everyone that submits statuses to the site. Many get rejected because we don't think they are funny, or they are unreadable, or they are to inappropriate and offensive.
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Whenever I hear the phrase 'anything is possible', I giggle and think about someone trying to slam a revolving door :)
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 05.22.11 @ 12:30pm

Does this status update make me look fat?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 05.21.11 @ 09:54am

People are making Rapture jokes like there's no tomorrow.....
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 05.21.11 @ 08:37am

it's not that I'm bad at remembering names, I'm just awesome at forgetting them.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 05.20.11 @ 17:22pm

I'll never forget the first time we met. Although, I will keep trying.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 05.20.11 @ 17:15pm

Did you know that if we laid all the facebook account owners end to end around the world. Three quarters of them would Drown? Hmm ....
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 05.20.11 @ 06:37am

PLEASE - put this on your status if you know someone (or are related to someone) who has been eaten by dragons. Dragons are nearly unstoppable and, in case you didn't know, they can also breathe fire. 93% of people won't copy and paste this, because they have already been eaten by dragons. 6% of people are sitting in the shower armed with fire extinguishers and the remaining 1% are awesome and will re-post.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 05.19.11 @ 21:11pm

To ensure you never cut yourself while chopping vegetables, get a friend to hold the vegetable.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 05.19.11 @ 20:23pm

I read somewhere that we only use 10% of our brains. I wonder what the other half is for?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 05.19.11 @ 16:27pm

3 bottles of bleach: $15.00. One rope, 3 rolls of duct tape, and a shovel: $35.00. 3 boxes of trash bags: $10.00. The look on the cashier's face: Priceless!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 05.18.11 @ 23:28pm

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