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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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Is glad Christmas is near i sure need new coloring books and crayons ..
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 08.31.11 @ 16:05pm

Tomorrow the world shall be ours! Until then, good night my evil minions!!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 08.30.11 @ 19:07pm

(For women only) Wants to go on the Maury Povich show and hear, "You are NOT the mother!"
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 08.30.11 @ 16:55pm

I don't like making plans for the day, because then the word "premeditated" gets thrown around in the courtroom.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 08.30.11 @ 06:28am

I do procrastinate more than I should, but it always gives me something to do tomorrow...
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 08.30.11 @ 06:22am

has a drinking problem...I can't afford it
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny drinking status update saying on Tuesday, 08.30.11 @ 06:20am

You know it's getting bad when the voices in your head start texting you
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 08.30.11 @ 06:19am

The only thing wrong with eary mornings is being awake.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 08.30.11 @ 06:18am

I know some of you would find it hard to believe, but I don't say everything that pops into my head. I don't think the average person could handle it.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 08.30.11 @ 06:18am

Thinking about starting a line of realistic welcome mats with things like "Please don't stay long!" or "I hope you brought booze."
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 08.29.11 @ 18:35pm

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Saying "cool" also means, I don't give a sh!t.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 08.28.11 @ 15:34pm

Don't feel bad, alot of people don't have talent either
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 08.28.11 @ 15:32pm

ALCOHOL! Giving you the ambition to do anything, while simultaneously taking away your capability to do so.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny drinking status update saying on Sunday, 08.28.11 @ 15:31pm

To-Do List : Nothing[✓]
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 08.28.11 @ 15:30pm

Imagine my disappointment when I discovered a "Booby Prize" really wasn't boobies at all...:(
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 08.28.11 @ 15:17pm

Couch pillows are really just fart silencers.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 08.28.11 @ 12:58pm

I wanna steal a Krispy Kreme truck and go on a high speed chase just because it'd be funny to watch a bunch of cops chase a donut truck
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 08.28.11 @ 10:58am

When your wife or girlfriend asks,"Do I look fat?" the ONLY correct response is, "Do I look stupid?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 08.28.11 @ 10:56am

If I had to describe myself in one word, it would be "bad at following directions."
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 08.28.11 @ 10:18am

just realised SATURDAY has the word TURD in it
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 08.27.11 @ 21:51pm

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