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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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Things to do today.....pet all the spiders in my house at least twice with my shoe.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 09.18.11 @ 10:27am

"Be yourself" is about the worst advice you can give some people.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 09.18.11 @ 10:25am

Today, I am doing my part to conserve energe, Iím going back to bed.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 09.18.11 @ 10:17am

likes to end all my phone calls with "Ok, I'll see you later on at the party!" and then quickly hang up. Let them figure it out.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 09.18.11 @ 10:02am

Why don't prison inmates just use liquid soap?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 09.18.11 @ 09:57am

Take my advice, I donít use it anyway.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 09.18.11 @ 09:57am

You can't buy happiness, but you can buy ice cream, and that's kind of the same thing.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 09.18.11 @ 09:21am

Just bought me a medical alert bracelet that says... "probably just sh!tfaced"
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 09.18.11 @ 09:09am

It's all fun and games until the cops show up.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 09.17.11 @ 15:00pm

Don't exercise ... fat people are harder to kidnap
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 09.17.11 @ 11:50am

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There may be no excuse for laziness, but I'm still looking.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 09.17.11 @ 08:04am

is in that awkward phase of the day between never drinking again and noon.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny drinking status update saying on Saturday, 09.17.11 @ 08:02am

Never make the same mistake twice, There are so many new ones, Try a different one each day.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 09.17.11 @ 08:01am

10 times out of 9, youíll find me exaggerating about something
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 09.16.11 @ 18:55pm

thinks the voices in my head are out of beer.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 09.15.11 @ 19:41pm

is at the park. Unless youíre my boss, in which case, Iím at work.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 09.15.11 @ 19:40pm

thinks there are times when your the most beautiful girl in the world, and there are times when Iím sober.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 09.15.11 @ 19:36pm

After dinner I like to sit in the garden in my underwear and smoke a cigarette.....but apparently that's not done at this hotel....
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 09.15.11 @ 19:26pm

My therapist says I should quit talking to myself.†
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 09.15.11 @ 19:20pm

I cant believe I saw a woman wearing slippers in church today! I almost dropped my beer.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 09.15.11 @ 19:18pm

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