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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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received a call saying that my son had been lying in school, and was being expelled. I donīt have a son. That kid is one damn good liar.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

This morning I surveyed 100 women and asked them what shampoo they used when showering. 98 of them said, "How did you get in here?"
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

Life is short, break the rules, forgive quickly, kiss slowly, love truly, laugh uncontrollably and never regret anything that made you smile ?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

Automatic doors make me feel like a Jedi
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

My biggest problem is that I believe almost everything I tell myself.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

Legally,Itīs questionable. Morally,Itīs disgusting. Personally,I like it.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

Think big, Think smart, Think positive, Think beautiful, Think great,I know this is too much for u,so here is a shortcut-Just think about me
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

is trying to decide ... laundry today or naked tomorrow
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

I donīt like to think of myself as "Special"... I think I would call me a limited edition.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

So Monday and Tuesday sucked. But, with the right mix of caffeine, alcohol and mushrooms, Wednesday doesnīt even have to happen at all.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny drinking status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

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I sleep better naked.. why canīt the flight attendants understand this?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

Organized people are just too lazy to look for things.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

Iīm not lazy, Iīm just highly motivated not to do anything.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

I like to stop the microwave with 1 second to go. Makes me feel like a bomb defusal expert.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

Roses are red, violets are blue, sandwiches are tasty, rhyming is hard
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

Whoever is in charge of making sure I donīt do dumb stuff is fired.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

is accepting applications. Needed someone to keep me from doing dumb stuff. See previous post.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

I donīt like people who canīt make fun of themselves. It just makes more work for me.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

exactly how long is a cotton picking minute.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

come on people driving is just like coloring, just stay inside the lines.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

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