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As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I remind myself that you cant always trust Google maps
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 08.12.18 @ 11:28am
Who ever invented the knock knock joke should get the no bell prize.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 08.12.18 @ 11:28am
Where does Peter Pan have his lunch? At Wendy's.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 08.12.18 @ 11:28am
I remember the days when I could refer to my knees as right and left. Now I refer to them as the good and bad knee.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 08.12.18 @ 11:27am
I find you're total lack of ambition is inspiring.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 08.12.18 @ 11:27am
Doing some laundry and hot single socks in my dryer are looking for a mate.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 08.12.18 @ 11:27am
The only way I'll ever run a marathon is if I set up the booths and hand out tags.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 07.28.18 @ 12:11pm
The object of golf.... is to play the least amount of golf.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 07.28.18 @ 12:11pm
I know it’s rain but I hate when my coworker tell me how many inches they got last night.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 07.28.18 @ 12:11pm
Bartenders are basically professionals that we hire to poison us very slowly in creative ways.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 07.28.18 @ 12:11pm
We would like to thank everyone that submits statuses to the site. Many get rejected because we don't think they are funny, or they are unreadable, or they are to inappropriate and offensive.
Will you go with me to my therapist tomorrow? He thinks I'm making you up.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 07.28.18 @ 12:11pm
I found a real money maker in selling homing pigeons....... So far this month I sold mine 4 times.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 07.28.18 @ 12:10pm
Have you ever noticed the irony behind “hyphenated” and “non-hyphenated”?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 07.28.18 @ 12:10pm
Words and phrases I hope do not appear in my obituary: "Skeletal remains", "Dumpster", "Beyond recognition", "Decapitated", "Dental records", "Shallow grave", "Strewn", and "Suicide by Cop."
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 07.28.18 @ 12:10pm
Never make an arm wrestle bet with a guy who has been single for longer than 6 months.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 07.28.18 @ 12:10pm
The smaller the town, the bigger the sex cult.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 07.28.18 @ 12:09pm
The differance between flirting and sexual harrassment ... If you're attrative, it's flirting.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 07.28.18 @ 12:09pm
Do you think they still give out chips in Gambler's Anonymous?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 07.28.18 @ 12:09pm
Appearing on several episodes of Cops doesn't make you a TV star.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 07.28.18 @ 12:08pm
Do not worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older it will avoid you.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 07.28.18 @ 12:08pm