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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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The judge says I'm a repeat offender, but he always says that.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 08.31.11 @ 16:12pm

If you ain't laughin, you ain't livin!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 08.31.11 @ 16:11pm

My favorite beer is the 15th one.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 08.31.11 @ 16:10pm

I'm off to get my beauty sleep. Yeah, I know...I'm already so beautiful you can't stand it! I promise...a little more isn't lethal...yet! ;) Goodnight!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 08.31.11 @ 16:09pm

doesn't need any help being bad but u can come along for the ride if your up for it.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 08.31.11 @ 16:07pm

I am NOT high maintenance, I simply have more preferences than most.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 08.31.11 @ 16:06pm

Is glad Christmas is near i sure need new coloring books and crayons ..
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 08.31.11 @ 16:05pm

Tomorrow the world shall be ours! Until then, good night my evil minions!!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 08.30.11 @ 19:07pm

(For women only) Wants to go on the Maury Povich show and hear, "You are NOT the mother!"
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 08.30.11 @ 16:55pm

I don't like making plans for the day, because then the word "premeditated" gets thrown around in the courtroom.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 08.30.11 @ 06:28am

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I do procrastinate more than I should, but it always gives me something to do tomorrow...
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 08.30.11 @ 06:22am

has a drinking problem...I can't afford it
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny drinking status update saying on Tuesday, 08.30.11 @ 06:20am

You know it's getting bad when the voices in your head start texting you
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 08.30.11 @ 06:19am

The only thing wrong with eary mornings is being awake.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 08.30.11 @ 06:18am

I know some of you would find it hard to believe, but I don't say everything that pops into my head. I don't think the average person could handle it.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 08.30.11 @ 06:18am

Thinking about starting a line of realistic welcome mats with things like "Please don't stay long!" or "I hope you brought booze."
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 08.29.11 @ 18:35pm

Saying "cool" also means, I don't give a sh!t.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 08.28.11 @ 15:34pm

Don't feel bad, alot of people don't have talent either
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 08.28.11 @ 15:32pm

ALCOHOL! Giving you the ambition to do anything, while simultaneously taking away your capability to do so.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny drinking status update saying on Sunday, 08.28.11 @ 15:31pm

To-Do List : Nothing[✓]
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 08.28.11 @ 15:30pm

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