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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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Bad decisions make good stories.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

Never wake a sleeping woman. Because then she´ll be awake.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

If you can´t say anything nice ... we´re probably related.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

This is my Facebook status. There are many like it but this one is mine.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

You know something bad is about to happen when someone says "Hold my beer and watch this."
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

If you can´t amaze people with your intelligence, confuse them with your bullsh*t
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

I didn´t outsmart you. You just outdumbed me.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

Dont you hate it when you open a bag of chips and its half full?! Yeah, that´s how us guys feel about push-up bras!!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

Laptop speakers, too quiet for music, too loud for porn.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

Man, that .01% of germs that can´t be killed by hand sanitizer must be some bad a$$ sh!t
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

We would like to thank everyone that submits statuses to the site. Many get rejected because we don't think they are funny, or they are unreadable, or they are to inappropriate and offensive.
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Honking your horn won´t make them go any faster, but at least they´ll know that you´re an asshole.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

So I´ve narrowed it down and I´m either gonna start a motorcycle gang or take a nap.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

believes saying "hi" with a big smile can brighten anyone´s day ... even those who give you the middle finger for cutting them off in traffic.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

I wish all these vegetarians would stop eating my food´s food!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

popsicle sticks: $1. caramel: $3. onion: $1. watching ur kid bite into a caramel onion thinking its an apple: priceless.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

Today I caught myself smiling ... I was thinking of you ... Don´t flatter yourself though, it was because you had a booger in your nose the last time I saw you.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

Money may not buy happiness but it can certainly improve the quality of your misery
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

Walked into the kitchen for orange juice; walk out with sandwich, crackers, chocolate milk, and the TV remote I lost 30 minutes ago
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

I´m the kind of person that when my feet hit the ground each morning the devil says, "OH CRAP, HE´S UP"!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

The length of a minute depends on which side of the bathroom door you´re on.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

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