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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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is cuddling up with a good book and a cup of tea. Ah, who am I kidding... Im looking at Hustler and having a beer.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

To be honest, Im just fishing for compliments tonight.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

Im up way too early for someone who wasnt planning on seizing the day.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

No matter how little I do in a day. I always feel like I could have done less.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

So she asked me "Do these pants make my butt look big?" And I said, "Not at all dear .. its the fat that does that." So now Im single again.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

Went for a mile run today. Stupid Ice Cream Man just kept driving even though I was waving my money in the air!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

A lot of people seem to forget their other four fingers when waving to me.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

Im not fat Im just easier to see
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

Just took the batteries out of my smoke detector to use in my TV remote control. Dont judge me .. Its Sunday.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

When a cop asks you, "Do you know why I pulled you over?" It is never a good idea to respond, "Because my tires look like donuts?"
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

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Just got a fortune cookie with no fortune in it ... Sounds about right for this Monday
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

The hardest things about beginning any new relationship has got to be learning how to fart quietly again.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

OMG guys!! im so happy!! the doctors just gave me a jacket so im always hugging myself!!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

Im thankful for Facebook. Before, I would just scream out my thoughts to anyone who would listen.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

Apparently "Fat Tuesday" doesnt constitue telling fatties theyre fatties.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

Im (insert your name) BITCHES!!!! Deal with that.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

Is it bad when Im talking to myself and Im not even listening?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

I am not available because I am looking at porn that takes up the whole computer screen
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

Helpful Tip : Never ask the cop to hold your beer while you dig out your drivers license.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

Sometimes to much to drink is never enough
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny drinking status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

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