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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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People liking my status from a week ago on Facebook proves that I have stalkers.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 07.23.11 @ 19:52pm

Just sprayed a mosquito with mosquito repellant. Now, heíll never have any friends.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 07.23.11 @ 19:47pm

I hope Iím the last guy on earth ó I wanna see if all those women were lying to me.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 07.23.11 @ 19:46pm

Apparently dyslexia is not a good excuse for driving 53 in a 35.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 07.23.11 @ 14:17pm

Iím off for a quiet beer. Followed by fourteen noisy ones.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 07.23.11 @ 14:03pm

I was asked what I would give the woman who has everything? WellÖmy phone number for a start.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 07.23.11 @ 08:14am

A budget is just a method of worrying before you spend money, as well as afterward.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 07.23.11 @ 08:13am

I AM doing something with my life. Itís called screwing around.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 07.23.11 @ 08:12am

I looked up "thesaurus" in my thesaurus and it says "Don't be a smart-a$$".
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 07.21.11 @ 20:03pm

Thinks that thinking about thoughts of thinking are too thinkable for thoughts to be thought about thinking, I think.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 07.21.11 @ 19:47pm

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Lying about my age is easier now that I have trouble remembering what it is.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 07.21.11 @ 19:28pm

Iím not getting old. Iím becoming a classic.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 07.20.11 @ 18:29pm

Roses are red. Violets are blue. Faces like yours belong in the zoo. Donít be mad, Iíll be there too. Not in the cage but laughing at you.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 07.20.11 @ 16:43pm

Today is the first day of the rest of my Vodka.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny drinking status update saying on Wednesday, 07.20.11 @ 07:47am

I left a note in the break room at work saying I had found five bucks. I hadn't found any money, but it was worth five dollars to learn which of my co-workers is a lying douchebag.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 07.19.11 @ 17:25pm

Hating everything saves countless hours of decision making.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 07.19.11 @ 17:04pm

Whenever I delete an App on my iPhone, The shaking icons make me feel like they're all panicked over who's getting deleted.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 07.19.11 @ 17:03pm

I have lots of great personality traits. Or as my doctor calls them, symptoms.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 07.19.11 @ 17:00pm

I use profanity, the way Picasso used a paint brush
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 07.19.11 @ 16:53pm

As you Mature... you learn that you cannot make someone love you.. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in..
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 07.19.11 @ 16:50pm

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