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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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Be nice to your kids. They get to choose your nursing home.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

Iīm a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

If you try and donīt succeed, cheat. Repeat until caught. Then lie.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

Who says nothing is impossible. Iīve been doing nothing for years.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who really do.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

Youīre just jealous because the voices are talking to me and not you!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a flat tire.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

I thought I was wrong once, but I was mistaken.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

He who laughs last didnīt get it.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

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You laugh because Iīm different. I laugh cause I just farted!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

Whatever it is ... I didnīt do it!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

I sold my house this week. I got a pretty good price for it, but it made my landlord mad as hell.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

If you canīt convince them, confuse them.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

If you think nobody cares if youīre alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

I donīt suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But itīs still on the list.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

I always take life with a grain of salt, plus a slice of lemon, and a shot of tequila.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny drinking status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship together and there was only one life jacket .. Iīd miss you alot and think of you often.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

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