With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine.

You´re never too old to learn something stupid.

Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you can´t help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.

Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?

If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.

You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

If McDonald´s sold hot dogs, could u, with a straight face, order a McWeiner & tell them 2 super size it?

Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.

The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!

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If I agreed with you we´d both be wrong.

All my life, I always wanted to be somebody. Now I see that I should have been more specific.

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

U make me wish I had more middle fingers

Honk if you want to see my finger.

Keep honking. I´m reloading.

How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?

The sooner you fall behind the more time you´ll have to catch up.

Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

Ya know once the toothpaste is out of the tube, it´s hard to get it back in.