Life is short, break the rules, forgive quickly, kiss slowly, love truly, laugh uncontrollably and never regret anything that made you smile ?

Automatic doors make me feel like a Jedi

My biggest problem is that I believe almost everything I tell myself.

Legally,Itīs questionable. Morally,Itīs disgusting. Personally,I like it.

Think big, Think smart, Think positive, Think beautiful, Think great,I know this is too much for u,so here is a shortcut-Just think about me

is trying to decide ... laundry today or naked tomorrow

I donīt like to think of myself as "Special"... I think I would call me a limited edition.

So Monday and Tuesday sucked. But, with the right mix of caffeine, alcohol and mushrooms, Wednesday doesnīt even have to happen at all.

I sleep better naked.. why canīt the flight attendants understand this?

Organized people are just too lazy to look for things.

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Iīm not lazy, Iīm just highly motivated not to do anything.

I like to stop the microwave with 1 second to go. Makes me feel like a bomb defusal expert.

Roses are red, violets are blue, sandwiches are tasty, rhyming is hard

Whoever is in charge of making sure I donīt do dumb stuff is fired.

is accepting applications. Needed someone to keep me from doing dumb stuff. See previous post.

I donīt like people who canīt make fun of themselves. It just makes more work for me.

exactly how long is a cotton picking minute.

come on people driving is just like coloring, just stay inside the lines.

Donīt call me crazy. I much prefer the term "mentally hilarious"

Part of me says I canīt keep drinking like this. The other part of me says, "Donīt listen to that guy. Heīs drunk."