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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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Sometimes I whisper, "Iīm on your side" to the computers, just in case they ever succeed in taking over the world.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

I stayed at a really nice, really fancy hotel this weekend. The towels were so thick I could hardly get my suitcase shut.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

Why do people ask "What were you thinking?" Obviouly, I thought I was going to get away with it!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

I canīt wait until Weight Watchers comes out with a beer.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

I wasnīt born with enough middle fingers to show you how I feel
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

Well, all I have to say is TGIF. (Post this on any day but Friday to get comments)
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

You look like I need another drink
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny drinking status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

I thought I was having deja vu, but it turns out I do the exact same things every day.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

The nighttime, sniffling, sneezing, coughing, aching, stuffy head, fever so I can rest medicine didnīt work. Iīm going to try 1 bourbon, 1 scotch and 1 beer instead.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

hates when Iīm singing along with the radio and the artist messes up the words!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

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Hey, did you know that in two days, tomorrow will be yesterday!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

It doesnīt matter if the glass is half empty or half full. There is clearly room for more alcohol.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny drinking status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

If you canīt afford to go on vacation, you can always drink until you donīt know where you are.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny drinking status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

Weīre responsible for most of what happens to us, the rest is probably Voodoo.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

If youīre cooler than me, doesnt that make me hotter than you?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

I seem to start my day backwards. I wake up tired and I go to bed wide awake.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

Alarm Clock(n): An evil device invented by Satan to disrupt the peaceful sleep of otherwise happy folks at a predetermined hour.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

Whatīs the difference between light and hard? You can go to bed with a light on.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

While most people are becoming older and wiser, Iīm becoming older and better at making stuff up as I go along.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

My neighbor came rudely banging at my door at 2:30 am, luckily for him I was up practicing on my new drums
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

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