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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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If they gave out awards for laziness, I would have to send somebody to accept it for me.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

Every time I see an abandoned shoe on the highway it reminds me of some of the drunken nights we use to have.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

The real trouble with reality is that there´s no background music
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

is procastinating now. Don´t see why I should put it off.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

Bad decisions make good stories.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

Never wake a sleeping woman. Because then she´ll be awake.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

If you can´t say anything nice ... we´re probably related.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

This is my Facebook status. There are many like it but this one is mine.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

You know something bad is about to happen when someone says "Hold my beer and watch this."
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

If you can´t amaze people with your intelligence, confuse them with your bullsh*t
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

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I didn´t outsmart you. You just outdumbed me.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

Dont you hate it when you open a bag of chips and its half full?! Yeah, that´s how us guys feel about push-up bras!!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

Laptop speakers, too quiet for music, too loud for porn.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

Man, that .01% of germs that can´t be killed by hand sanitizer must be some bad a$$ sh!t
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

Honking your horn won´t make them go any faster, but at least they´ll know that you´re an asshole.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

So I´ve narrowed it down and I´m either gonna start a motorcycle gang or take a nap.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

believes saying "hi" with a big smile can brighten anyone´s day ... even those who give you the middle finger for cutting them off in traffic.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

I wish all these vegetarians would stop eating my food´s food!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

popsicle sticks: $1. caramel: $3. onion: $1. watching ur kid bite into a caramel onion thinking its an apple: priceless.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

Today I caught myself smiling ... I was thinking of you ... Don´t flatter yourself though, it was because you had a booger in your nose the last time I saw you.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.11 @ 19:30pm

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