I did all I can do. I canīt do no more

I wonder if Iīll ever be mature enough to use a stud finder without first pointing it at myself and saying "thereīs one."

Why is it when you run into a spider web, you suddenly turn into a ninja?

Donīt believe all the rumours you hear about me, the truth is much worse.

Have you ever ate something so good that you do a little happy dance while your eating it?

If youīre a millionaire and you donīt have trampoline floors or a giant slide that goes from your bed to an olympic sized indoor pool, then you should just give me all of your money because youīre wasting it.

Just rescued a Coca Cola that was trapped in the fridge!

You are so selfish! Youīre going to have that body the rest of your life and I just want it for one night!

Today Iīm going to entertain the kids with a game of duct, duct, tape.

Everything I need to know in life I learned in kindergarten... if you poop your pants they let you go home.

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twinkle twinkle little star ... point me to the nearest bar.

I may look calm, but in my head Iīve punched you in the face 3 times already!

roses are red, violets are blue, I suck at poems.. you have nice boobs

Have you ever held your money and thought "I hope this hasnīt been up a stripperīs butt"

I canīt wait for summer. One of my highlights of summer is talking into the fan to hear my robot voice.

Donīt be stupid, itīs not smart.

Omg!! got 6 numbers on the Lotto.. and the stupid machine didnīt pick any of them

hmm ... I wonder what Iīm thinking?

is "insert clever remark here."

Iīve always wondered if film directors wake up screaming "CUT! CUT! CUUUUUT!" when they have nightmares.