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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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There are no winners the day following a green beer, corned beef, and cabbage binge.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 03.19.17 @ 15:46pm

There's a lot of perks being a single parent, for one no witnesses.
Posted By: Clarke - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 03.15.17 @ 08:41am

A tattoo doesn’t tell you very much about a person, but where they put the tattoo does.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 03.12.17 @ 15:25pm

I dropped my affordable health care because I couldn't afford it .
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 03.12.17 @ 15:25pm

I always hit the "no receipt" button at the ATM because I don't need that negativity in my life.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 03.12.17 @ 15:25pm

Ever notice that the first 10 seconds of a medical drug commercial is spent telling you what the drug is for and the rest basically daring you to take it?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 03.12.17 @ 15:25pm

If you see someone crying, ask if it's because of their haircut.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 03.12.17 @ 15:24pm

The lyrics for "hush little baby" are basically saying "I will buy you anything if you just shut the hell up"
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 03.12.17 @ 15:24pm

Fitbits are just like Tamagotchis, except the stupid little creature you have to keep alive is yourself.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 03.12.17 @ 15:24pm

I wouldn't mind being alone with my thoughts, if I didn't know them all so well.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 03.12.17 @ 15:23pm

We would like to thank everyone that submits statuses to the site. Many get rejected because we don't think they are funny, or they are unreadable, or they are to inappropriate and offensive.
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I use a blender to make protein shakes in my office every day. That way when I use it to mix up a pitcher of margaritas no one even notices.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 03.12.17 @ 15:23pm

I just saw a hot mom at McDonalds spank her kid after he threw his fries on the ground, so I threw my fries on the ground too.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 03.12.17 @ 15:22pm

I thought there was a spider on the rug but it was just yarn.....it's dead yarn now, though.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 03.12.17 @ 15:21pm

Dating would be a lot easier if the opposite sex had a tail. That way, I could see if it was wagging or not after I did or said something.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 03.12.17 @ 15:20pm

This year for Lent I'm giving up hanging out with all the people who gave up drinking for Lent.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 03.12.17 @ 15:20pm

After four karate lessons, I can now break a two-inch board with my cast.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 03.12.17 @ 15:20pm

"Spring Ahead" this weekend for Daylight Saving Time proves there is a much quicker way than Facebook to lose an hour in your life....
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 03.12.17 @ 15:20pm

Meanwhile on Facebook someone has made a casserole
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 03.12.17 @ 15:17pm

My daughter asked me why I carry a gun inside the house. I told her I was scared of the CIA. She laughed. I laughed. Amazon Echo laughed.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 03.12.17 @ 15:17pm

As i get older i realize I do a LOT more YOGA...attempting to tie my shoelaces
Posted By: Tnarcisi - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 03.10.17 @ 05:56am

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