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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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"It's not a pyramid scheme" is a phrase almost exclusively used by people involved in pyramid schemes
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 10.19.16 @ 16:38pm

I woke up early this morning with the strange desire to get up and exercise. Fortunately I rolled over and closed my eyes really tight and the feeling went away.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 10.19.16 @ 16:38pm

This lasagna recipe has been handed down in my family for generations in the hopes that someone would eventually make it.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 10.19.16 @ 16:38pm

Every time I start to feel happy I remember the shingles virus is already inside me.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 10.19.16 @ 16:38pm

I've never been a fan of multi-tasking or quite frankly regular tasking.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 10.9.16 @ 14:10pm

Turns out the plastic bag they put in your ice bucket at a hotel isn't for to-go bacon from the breakfast buffet.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 10.9.16 @ 14:10pm

I'm confused by this "It's 5 o'clock somewhere" statement. Bars open at 11. Idiots.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 10.9.16 @ 14:10pm

Cookies and porn are always better when they're homemade!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 10.9.16 @ 14:09pm

The last time I was someone's type, I was donating blood.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 10.9.16 @ 14:08pm

Spiders are the only web developers that are happy to find bugs.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 10.9.16 @ 14:08pm

We would like to thank everyone that submits statuses to the site. Many get rejected because we don't think they are funny, or they are unreadable, or they are to inappropriate and offensive.
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My wife and I decided not to have children. The kids are taking it pretty hard.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 10.9.16 @ 14:08pm

If only someone on the internet would give me their opinion on the election.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 10.9.16 @ 14:08pm

When people said they sleep like a baby, it's because they do not have one.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 10.9.16 @ 14:08pm

They called themselves geologists because stoners was already taken.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 10.9.16 @ 14:08pm

Shout out to the post office for delivering my recycling to me every day.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 10.9.16 @ 14:08pm

I found my wife through online dating. So, she's definitely got some explaining to do!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 10.9.16 @ 14:07pm

Itís actually the voices outside my head that bothers me the most
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 10.9.16 @ 14:07pm

Starbucks isn't really that expensive compared to how much Victoria's Secret charges per cup.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 10.9.16 @ 14:07pm

The pizza guy just said "see u tomorrow" ...
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 10.9.16 @ 14:07pm

I was halfway to the state line before I realized the sirens were part of the song that was playing
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 10.9.16 @ 14:07pm

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