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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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I don't know why I ever signed up for Facebook. I mean like seriously, this dating website sucks!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 06.9.18 @ 06:42am

When we give each other a thumbs up, it's our way of mocking every other animal on earth.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 06.9.18 @ 06:41am

I spent at least half an hour trying to get my girlfriends bra off. I will never try wearing that again.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 06.9.18 @ 06:41am

I can't wait for the day when my kids are old enough that I can drink with them and not because of them.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny drinking status update saying on Saturday, 06.9.18 @ 06:41am

Ever since I installed Adblocker, I have been severely depressed. Hot singles in my area are no longer interested in me.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 06.9.18 @ 06:41am

I came home one day all proud as can be with my report card and said to my Mom ,Look I got a B in reading , She said that's a D you moron !
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 06.9.18 @ 06:40am

*Opens box of cereal* We’ve updated our Privacy Policy
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 05.27.18 @ 14:30pm

Fitness nuts have to do an entire marathon to feel a runner's high..... I just have to bend over and tie my shoes.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 05.27.18 @ 14:30pm

Today has me seriously evaluating my policy of not drinking on the job.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 05.27.18 @ 14:30pm

I don't know who I feel more sorry for.. myself for never being able to find where I parked my car?.. or the poor bastards following me through the parking lot hoping to take my parking space...
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 05.27.18 @ 14:30pm

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It takes one slow walking person in the grocery store, to remove the illusion that I'm a nice person.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 05.27.18 @ 14:29pm

Sixth in line to the throne takes on a different meaning when you’re not in the royal family but in a dive bar.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 05.27.18 @ 14:29pm

I met a girl who told me that she broke up with her last boyfriend because he just didn't work out. Which is when I knew, she wasn't the one for me, as I hate to work out as well.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 05.27.18 @ 14:28pm

Thanks to whoever made electrical outlets look like tiny screaming faces trapped inside my walls I can't make eye contact.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 05.27.18 @ 14:28pm

Step 1: Remove food from packaging. Step 2: Throw out packaging Step. 3: Dig packaging out of trash to locate cook time, Repeat steps 2 & 3 as necessary
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 05.27.18 @ 14:27pm

Why do I get the feeling that a lot of adults nowadays who ask kids "What do you want to be when you grow up?" are just trying to come up with some ideas?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 05.27.18 @ 14:27pm

I decided to bury the hatchet with that neighbor I never got along with. After all, it is the murder weapon.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 05.27.18 @ 14:26pm

You never really know a woman, until she takes you to court.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 05.27.18 @ 14:26pm

A high school diploma takes you 12 years to get, 2 minutes to frame and a lifetime to forget where you put it.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 05.27.18 @ 14:25pm

Threw my back out today reaching for the shampoo in the shower. But I'll be telling everyone it's from having sex while skydiving.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 05.27.18 @ 14:25pm

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