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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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There is no such thing as a dirty mind. Just a sense of humor with adult content.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 07.30.17 @ 11:37am

I love myself everyday. Sometimes, twice a day.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 07.30.17 @ 11:37am

Not to brag but my new mistress is a lingerie model. OK, fine. A mannequin. But she doesn't talk much and I like that.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 07.30.17 @ 11:36am

Never make an arm wrestle bet with a man who has been single for longer than 6 months.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 07.30.17 @ 11:36am

If I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 07.30.17 @ 11:36am

Some days, the best thing about my job is that the chair spins.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 07.30.17 @ 11:36am

There is a fine line between “hobby” and “mental illness.”
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 07.30.17 @ 11:36am

Just because you have a beard doesn't mean you're a man. Last time I checked vaginas can grow hair too.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 07.30.17 @ 11:36am

I should never have climbed into this vat of curdled milk. I'm in whey over my head.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 07.30.17 @ 11:35am

Turns out that my get rich painfully slow scheme isn't working out either.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 07.30.17 @ 11:35am

We would like to thank everyone that submits statuses to the site. Many get rejected because we don't think they are funny, or they are unreadable, or they are to inappropriate and offensive.
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If your ever wondering who your real friends are all you have to do is delete your facebook account for about week without saying anything and see who calls
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 07.30.17 @ 11:35am

You lost your phone and it's on silent? Too bad. If you liked it then you should've put a ring on it.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 07.30.17 @ 11:35am

You mellennials and your obsession with public healthcare, back in my day we just died!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 07.30.17 @ 11:35am

I ate the whole box of Slim Fast bars. So excited about how skinny I'll be when I wake up tomorrow.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 07.30.17 @ 11:35am

"No, thanks. I'm a vegetarian." is a fun thing to say when someone hands you their baby.
Posted By: sonnyC137 - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.24.17 @ 22:33pm

Good For OJ, he gets to take another stab at life..
Posted By: Mancuso - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.24.17 @ 17:07pm

"Fidget Spinners are so dumb pointless." -The generation that purchased over 5 million Pet Rocks.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.24.17 @ 16:04pm

Shouldn't there have been at least one scene in The Karate Kid where Daniel's mom was like "Why are you constantly in that old man's shed?"
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.24.17 @ 16:04pm

Life before the internet was awful. Your friend would be wrong about a trivial issue during dinner and you just had to let it go
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.24.17 @ 16:04pm

Having to cash in my State Quarter Collection's map for gas money is reaching a new low.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.24.17 @ 16:03pm

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