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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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Slutty girls are like Walmarts, everyone makes fun of them but when you're inside one at 4am you think, i'm glad these are here.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 06.24.17 @ 13:20pm

I'm in big trouble if my coworkers find out I don't really have Tourette's.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 06.24.17 @ 13:20pm

Whats the best part about dating a homeless chick, ..... You can drop her off anywhere
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 06.24.17 @ 13:20pm

Why do people say "Tuna Fish sandwich?" That's like saying "Chicken Bird sandwich."
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 06.12.17 @ 14:26pm

I just keep telling myself you guys don't have sex either.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 06.12.17 @ 14:26pm

People who help you find what you are looking for in a liquor store should be called "Spirit Guides."
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 06.12.17 @ 14:26pm

My wife told me to get a real job or pack my bags! She must be losing it! Who threatens someone with a vacation?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 06.12.17 @ 14:25pm

Just burned 2000 calories. That's the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I take a nap.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 06.12.17 @ 14:25pm

I googled "cigarette lighter" and got 150000 matches.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 06.12.17 @ 14:25pm

Still waiting for a criminal on Law and Order to say,,, "Hey,, Aren't you Ice-T?"
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 06.12.17 @ 14:25pm

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Sometimes I STOP when it's not even Hammer time
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 06.12.17 @ 14:25pm

The downside of dating intelligent women is having to Google what they call you when it ends badly
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 06.12.17 @ 14:24pm

I will admit, my statuses sound a bit different when read aloud by the prosecuting attorney.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 06.12.17 @ 14:24pm

When I'm in a good mood I act like I'm I'm in a bad mood so nobody approaches me and ruins my good mood.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 06.12.17 @ 14:23pm

I feel like I could give a great NBA locker room speech. "Guys, we're all millionaires, none of this matters."
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 06.12.17 @ 14:23pm

Divorce... The most common home improvement project.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 06.12.17 @ 14:23pm

Does ke$ha go by k€sha in Europe?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 06.12.17 @ 14:23pm

Just noticed there's no comma in "Bed Bath & Beyond" and honestly, a bed bath would solve a lot of my problems.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 06.12.17 @ 14:23pm

My therapist says I am too preoccupied by vengeance.... We'll see about that.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 06.12.17 @ 14:22pm

How does Ice-T order an Iced Tea without sounding like a douche?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 06.12.17 @ 14:22pm

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