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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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Politicians are people who have too little an amount of morals and ethics to remain lawyers.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.24.17 @ 16:03pm

In case of fire, do not use the elevator. Use water...
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.24.17 @ 16:03pm

Earlier this morning, I was invited to join an XXX Facebook group. I was somewhat intrigued until I realized it was a group for guys who like to wear really really big shirts.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.24.17 @ 16:03pm

I just want to read, have a snack, then take a nap. Basically, I just want to be in kindergarten again.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.24.17 @ 16:03pm

Last night, I fell asleep with one of those new e-cigarettes in my mouth. I woke up half an hour later & my whole apartment was on the internet.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.24.17 @ 16:01pm

I like to read magazines about parenting. That way, I can learn all the things my parents did wrong and I can go back to them and say "See? This is the reason I am like I am."
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.24.17 @ 16:01pm

How do you spot a blind man at a nude beach? It's not hard.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.24.17 @ 15:59pm

Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.24.17 @ 15:59pm

Rump roast is called rump roast because nobody would eat it if it was called cow's ass
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.24.17 @ 15:58pm

Doc: ''Hows your headache ?'' Me: ''She's at home''
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 07.21.17 @ 15:39pm

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My dentist just told me I need a crown..... I know, right??
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 07.20.17 @ 06:21am

My doctor prescribed me xanax instead of birth control pills I asked for. Now I have 9 kids, but I don't care.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 07.20.17 @ 06:11am

Can you imagine the reactions 25 years ago if you showed someone a photo album of pictures you took of yourself in the bathroom?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 07.20.17 @ 06:07am

"Wow, that Hungry Man TV dinner sure lives up to its name!" said no hungry man ever.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 07.19.17 @ 09:55am

Next time you think life's not fair..think of this x large clothes cost $2 more than large so why doesn't small cost $2 less ? Being fat ....now that's unfair
Posted By: MSW - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.17.17 @ 21:53pm

The girlfriend told me to go out and get something that makes her look sexy.. so I went out and got drunk.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.17.17 @ 12:20pm

Not to brag or anything, but I don't need alcohol to make really bad decisions.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.17.17 @ 07:55am

Shopping tip: You can get shoes for a buck at bowling alleys.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.17.17 @ 07:55am

Next time you fill out a job application and it asks about military service, it is best not to mention that you've gone Commando a few times in your life.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.17.17 @ 07:55am

If you run into someone you know and they say "we should hang out sometime", say "I'm ready to hang out now" and watch them panic.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.17.17 @ 07:54am

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