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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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If you mix vodka, orange juice and milk of magnesia... Do you get a Phillips screwdriver?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny drinking status update saying on Wednesday, 04.11.18 @ 18:28pm

Robots can do anything we set their mind to
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 04.11.18 @ 18:28pm

Today I gave up procrastination for Lent.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 04.11.18 @ 18:27pm

Surgery beds are basically cutting boards for humans.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 04.11.18 @ 18:27pm

What is the difference between a trapeze artist and a supermodel?. The trapeze artist has a cunning stunt.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 04.7.18 @ 13:52pm

I take so many things with a grain of salt that I'm surprised I don't have high blood pressure.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 04.7.18 @ 09:39am

Horse racing is like NASCAR only slower and with poop.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 04.4.18 @ 09:20am

How do amish girls know if its a romantic candle lit dinner or just a regular candle lit dinner.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 04.4.18 @ 09:19am

If I procrastinated any harder right now, it would have to involve time travel.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 04.4.18 @ 09:19am

Hello customer service, I ate two happy meals and Iím still not happy
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 04.4.18 @ 09:19am

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If by O.P.P. you mean Other Peopleís Pancakes, then yes Iím down with O.P.P.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 04.4.18 @ 09:19am

If you were dating an FBI agent and you broke up, they would be your fed ex.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 04.4.18 @ 09:19am

People often say laughter is the best medicine, but they neglect to mention that an overdose can cause oneís ass to fall off.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 04.4.18 @ 09:19am

If you take Viagra with iron supplements it will cause you spin around and point North.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 04.4.18 @ 09:18am

Note to self: you never read these notes so stop writing them.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 04.4.18 @ 09:18am

Anything is possible when you have no clue what you're talking about
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 04.4.18 @ 09:18am

Remember kids, the Toys R Us bankruptcy and liquidation teaches us that poor spelling and grammar will always catch up with you eventually.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 04.4.18 @ 09:18am

I don't mind that my wife goes out to play bingo every night. It's the coming back home part that bothers me.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 04.4.18 @ 09:17am

The guy that figured out babies instinctively hold their breath under water probably had a lot of explaining to do.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 04.4.18 @ 09:17am

The opposite of "tying the knot" is "no strings attached"
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 04.4.18 @ 09:16am

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