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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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Not to brag, but, I've already consumed 174% of my daily fat requirement.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.17.17 @ 07:54am

Learn a lesson from your dog. No matter what life brings you, kick some grass over that crap and move on.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.17.17 @ 07:54am

There is no logical reason why short pants should cost the same as long pants.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.17.17 @ 07:54am

I have nothing to update. I'm just making it look like I'm doing something at a party so people won't talk to me.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.17.17 @ 07:54am

That awkward moment when the woman your dancing behind bends over so you can grind it, and you realize she's just lost an earring and nobody in Starbucks can hear your iPod...
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.17.17 @ 07:53am

Why do people ask "What the hell were you thinking?" Obviously I was thinking I was going to get away with it and not get caught.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.17.17 @ 07:53am

I really have to stop using this little microphone on my phone that types whatever you say as it keeps making mistakes punctuation point
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.17.17 @ 07:53am

Do NOT accept friend requests from Hormel Foods, it could be spam...
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.17.17 @ 07:52am

One night, as I as lying in bed, I looked up at the stars and thought to myself: "What the f#ck happened to the roof?"
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.17.17 @ 07:52am

People need to stop putting flyers on my car. I don't want to see a band called "Parking Violation" at the "Courthouse."
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.17.17 @ 07:52am

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Ever notice that people who spend money on beer, cigarettes and lottery tickets, are always complaining about being broke and not feeling well?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.17.17 @ 07:52am

I tried being awesome today, but I was just so tired from being awesome yesterday.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.17.17 @ 07:51am

I wish the media and politicians would stop jumping to delusions.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.17.17 @ 07:51am

It hurts when you go to unfriend someone and you find they've beat you to it!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.17.17 @ 07:51am

The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in college was my blood alcohol content.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.17.17 @ 07:50am

The graveside service just barely finished, when there was massive clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied by even more thunder rumbling in the distance...The little old man looked at the pastor and calmly said, 'Well, she's there'
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.17.17 @ 07:50am

I just decorated my bedroom to look like my desk at work so I can fall sleep faster.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.10.17 @ 10:37am

Google image results are like a party that starts off exactly how you expected and gets weirder the longer you stay.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.10.17 @ 10:36am

I was bitten by a mosquito last night. Bet that little bastard is pretty hung-over today
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.10.17 @ 10:36am

I cannot be held responsible for what my face does when other people talk.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.10.17 @ 10:36am

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