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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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30 years later and my Cabbage Patch Kid still has no clue that he's adopted.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 01.10.18 @ 17:34pm

I just don't think a partridge in a pear tree would make a great gift
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 01.10.18 @ 17:34pm

i joined new gym yesterday. i did 3 sets of selfies on each machine
Posted By: girish - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 01.6.18 @ 01:02am

Today I noticed that the cover of my ironing board was wrinkled, and I laughed at the irony. Then I laughed again because of the word "irony."
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 01.5.18 @ 05:51am

It's really cold out there folks. If you're heading to Wal-Mart, please wear two pairs of pajamas.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 01.4.18 @ 13:50pm

People treat New Yearís like some sort of life changing event. If your life sucks today, itís probably still going to suck tomorrow ... Just sayin
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 12.31.17 @ 15:44pm

If you canít be an athlete, be an athletic supporter.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 12.31.17 @ 15:43pm

New Years Eve. It takes 24,367 bolts to put a car together and only 1 nut to spread it all over the road, please don't drink and drive and become the nut
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 12.31.17 @ 15:43pm

"We have smaller, secret pants that we wear under our normal pants..." - me explaining underwear to aliens.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 12.31.17 @ 15:43pm

Big deal, Times Square, I drop the ball at least twice a week.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 12.31.17 @ 15:43pm

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My wifeís new cooking show will be called, "Do you smell Something Burning?"
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 12.31.17 @ 15:42pm

That sound you hear when you already closed the cupboard & hear something fall -yeah, thatís the sound of someone elseís problem.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 12.31.17 @ 15:42pm

During the holidays people have to make a choice between enjoying the holidays or spending it with the relatives.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 12.31.17 @ 15:42pm

Consumer confidence is at an all time high, and so am I.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 12.31.17 @ 15:42pm

Christmas trees are like boobs...the fake ones are nice to look at... But the real ones are so much better
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 12.31.17 @ 15:42pm

Jingle all the way. Nobody likes a half-assed jingler.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny Christmas status update saying on Sunday, 12.31.17 @ 15:42pm

Please be careful on the roads. Lots of people are drinking exsessively and letting their wives drive.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 12.31.17 @ 15:41pm

On the plus side of 2017, the use of the words 'awesomesauce' and 'amazeballs' were at an all time low.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 12.31.17 @ 15:41pm

What does it mean if the Holy Water sizzles when it hits your skin? (asking for a friend)
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 12.31.17 @ 15:41pm

The hardest part of being a gentleman is going to all of these gentlemenís clubs.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 12.31.17 @ 15:41pm

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