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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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People should mute themselves on conference calls when they are crossing a battlefield and killing enemies to get to the next level.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 05.6.18 @ 12:42pm

The lady walking ahead of me sped up so I did, she began running so I did, she screamed so I did. I never even saw what we were running from.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 05.6.18 @ 12:42pm

So exactly what age will I stop falling over while trying to put on my underwear?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 05.6.18 @ 12:42pm

I hope the next big trend in music is Talent.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 05.6.18 @ 12:41pm

Congratulations on becoming a homeowner! From now on, every noise you hear will cost you money.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 05.6.18 @ 12:41pm

Running shoes? No, I don't run. These are my "better hurry up the liquor store is about to close" shoes.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny drinking status update saying on Sunday, 05.6.18 @ 12:41pm

I always knew that one day I'd end up face-down in the gutter. I just didn't expect everyone to keep on bowling...
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 04.20.18 @ 12:47pm

I run a non-profit company. It's not for a good cause or anything, I'm just not very good at business.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 04.20.18 @ 12:46pm

I have decided to stop exercising and just learn Photoshop.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 04.20.18 @ 12:46pm

Adulthood is like losing your mom in the grocery store for the rest of your life.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 04.20.18 @ 12:46pm

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My doctor said Iím healthy enough for sex, just not attractive enough.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 04.20.18 @ 12:46pm

My face is a 4, my personality is a 6, so basically, I'm a 10.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 04.20.18 @ 12:45pm

Building the city on rock and roll was probably the wrong move from an engineering perspective.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 04.20.18 @ 12:45pm

Actually I don't think it would be all that hard to get out of a pickle.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 04.20.18 @ 12:45pm

A bachelor party is a lot more appropriate after a divorce than before a wedding.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 04.20.18 @ 12:44pm

A married man has 2 options in an argument...he can be right or he can be happy
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 04.20.18 @ 12:44pm

I make self-sabotage look like an art form.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 04.20.18 @ 12:44pm

Allow me to explain myself via a new communication method I like to call "Interpretive Napping"
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 04.20.18 @ 12:44pm

At this point I'm just waiting for summer to be cancelled completely.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 04.20.18 @ 12:44pm

On my bucket list: To be chased through a kitchen at a Chinese restaurant like in the movies.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 04.20.18 @ 12:43pm

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