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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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Bending over ... preparing to do my taxes.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 03.25.18 @ 16:11pm

It's a good idea to test your immune system from time to time by eating a gas station hot dog
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 03.25.18 @ 16:11pm

A sheep spends it's entire life fearing the wolf only to be eaten by the Shepherd.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 03.25.18 @ 16:11pm

I don’t understand ads on porn sites. like who is ever in the middle of jerking off then goes like “woah! that’s the new detergent?”
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 03.25.18 @ 16:10pm

Nothing says "My balls are kept in a jar inside her purse" quite like a joint Facebook account
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 03.25.18 @ 16:10pm

Some of us are basically unpaid Facebook interns.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 03.25.18 @ 16:10pm

I can walk up to any dog, rub its belly and make a friend ... That trick rarely works on people.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 03.17.18 @ 11:49am

I'd like to read an obituary that says "He laid down the boogie and played that funky music till he died."
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 03.17.18 @ 11:49am

I've been diagnosed with a chronic fear of giants. Feefiphobia.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 03.17.18 @ 11:49am

You know you've reached adulthood when your bed is in the middle of the wall instead of in the corner.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 03.17.18 @ 11:49am

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You can tell a lot about someone by whether they read HP as horsepower or hit points.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 03.17.18 @ 11:48am

I just saw a woman at Walmart with March Madness teeth ... She was down to the final four.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 03.17.18 @ 11:48am

Got a new blood pressure monitor, says it turns off after 6 minutes of inactivity .....
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 03.17.18 @ 11:47am

If wookies have a 400 year life span, then Han Solo is basically like Chewbacca's third dog.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 03.17.18 @ 11:47am

Being a camera must be pretty cool. You get to sleep until there's something cool to see.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 03.17.18 @ 11:47am

My therapist says I have imposter syndrome. But come on, I'm not good enough to have something fancy like that.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 03.17.18 @ 11:47am

The Best Excuse given by a Lady for Missing Work ! "My husband took an overdose of Viagra.....Couldn't leave him alone with the Maid"
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 03.17.18 @ 11:46am

Surgery is just stabbing someone to life.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 03.17.18 @ 11:46am

Women have a lot more experience dealing with bloodstains than men. Men are convicted of murder a lot more than women. Coincidence?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 03.17.18 @ 10:58am

I'm not leaving here without some kind of balloon.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 03.17.18 @ 10:58am

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