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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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Imagine how much faster Olympic sprinters could run if they saw their wives going through their phones at the finish line
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 05.7.17 @ 17:04pm

I bought the world's worst thesaurus yesterday. Not only is it terrible, it's terrible.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 05.7.17 @ 17:04pm

I remember being able to get up without making sound effects. Good times.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 05.7.17 @ 17:04pm

The club sandwich, for when a knuckle sandwich just isn't enough...
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 05.1.17 @ 18:39pm

I hope when I die, it's early in the morning so I don't go to work that day for no reason.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 05.1.17 @ 18:36pm

I lost 3 pounds over the weekend, but not to worry I found them lastnight at pizza hut
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 05.1.17 @ 18:28pm

Why don't family members send me money for my birthday anymore? I need it now more than when I was 7
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 05.1.17 @ 18:26pm

When you are on a first date and she says to you: "I want you to treat me like a movie star," it is vitally important to establish which type of movie
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 05.1.17 @ 18:25pm

Offering a homeless dude $5 from across the street is my version of Frogger.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 05.1.17 @ 18:24pm

It only takes a few seconds to show someone how you feel about them......the police call it indecent exposure but whatever.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 05.1.17 @ 18:23pm

We would like to thank everyone that submits statuses to the site. Many get rejected because we don't think they are funny, or they are unreadable, or they are to inappropriate and offensive.
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As soon as the Zombie Apocalypse hits I'm grabbing a sledgehammer and heading down to the local cemetery for the greatest game of Whack-A-Mole ever.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 05.1.17 @ 18:21pm

FB friends, no one gives a ratsass what concerts you went to...
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 05.1.17 @ 18:20pm

If relationship breakups never existed, the music industry would go Bankrupt !
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 05.1.17 @ 18:18pm

I hate it when I see some old person and then realize that we went to school together
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 05.1.17 @ 18:11pm

Before social networking you could just completely forget someone existed and it was....GREAT!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 05.1.17 @ 18:08pm

The fact that Pitbul is even considered a musician is more disgusting than the fact that toothpaste was invented years after french kissing was.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 05.1.17 @ 18:00pm

It's funny how we all sleep differently. I sleep on my side, my roommate sleeps on his back. My ex sleeps with everybody. That sort of thing.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 05.1.17 @ 17:59pm

My new diet plan consists of multiple naps. Because you can't stuff your face when you're sleeping.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 05.1.17 @ 17:59pm

My inner self is in Photoshop
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 05.1.17 @ 17:57pm

I love how twix come with two bars so I can eat one now and the other immediately after
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 05.1.17 @ 17:56pm

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