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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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What's the difference between a Garbanzo Bean and a Chickpea? I never had a Garbanzo Bean on my face.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 03.17.18 @ 10:57am

Space heaters are the perfect housewarming gifts.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 03.17.18 @ 10:56am

Please rephrase your question in the form of a compliment.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 03.17.18 @ 10:55am

How does one get suspended with full pay and benefits? Asking for a friend who is actually me.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 03.17.18 @ 10:55am

This is bullshit. It's like the cops don't even know that the speed limit is different when you're listening to AC/DC.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 03.17.18 @ 10:55am

Did you know you can go to any gym without having to announce it on Facebook?
Posted By: Sage - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 03.8.18 @ 22:01pm

I'm kind of like Hugh Hefner. Only without the mansion, the exotic cars, the girls, the magazine and the money. Basically, I'm just a guy in a bathrobe.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 03.4.18 @ 15:10pm

House cleaning would go a lot faster if the spray bottles made laser gun sounds
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 03.4.18 @ 15:10pm

Where do suicide bombers go when they die? Everywhere.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 03.4.18 @ 15:10pm

Behind every beautiful song is a person who really shouldn't sing it out loud in public
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 03.4.18 @ 15:10pm

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Like medicine, some people should only be allowed to talk in doses. Like 30 sentences three times a day.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 03.4.18 @ 15:10pm

A night of insomnia is usually followed by a morning of browser history clearing
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 03.4.18 @ 15:09pm

45 minutes on the treadmill is no big deal if you don't turn it on
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 03.4.18 @ 15:09pm

The only 2 things that I love and enjoy about being an adult is having sex and drinking alcohol.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 03.4.18 @ 15:09pm

How come "you're a peach" is a complement but "you're bananas" is an insult? Why are we allowing fruit discrimination to tear society apart?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 03.4.18 @ 15:09pm

I have a tremendous sex drive ... My girlfriend lives 25 miles away.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 03.4.18 @ 15:09pm

Women use sex to get stuff, men lose stuff because of sex.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 03.4.18 @ 15:09pm

After the doctor left the exam room from my prostate exam. The nurse came in with three words I didn't want to hear. "Who was that?"
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 03.4.18 @ 15:08pm

Do you know what I hate worse than people? Groups of people.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 03.4.18 @ 15:08pm

How can we call ourselves "evolved" when signs are needed to remind people to wash their hands after they go to the bathroom
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 03.4.18 @ 15:08pm

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