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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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Ran out of post-it notes, now I don't know how to remind myself to buy more.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 02.10.18 @ 16:02pm

Some of the best decisions I've ever made involved me clicking cancel instead of send
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 01.28.18 @ 10:41am

A lot of conflict in the Wild West could have been avoided, if they had built their towns big enough for another person
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 01.28.18 @ 10:40am

So I ran into an old girlfriend who I dated who's new boyfriend she was with looked exactly like me when I was seeing her. You know, miserable
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 01.28.18 @ 10:40am

Finally down to my pre-pregnancy/pre-kids weight...well...before my wife had kids I mean.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 01.28.18 @ 10:40am

Most advanced telescopes use mirrors so we really have no way to know how many vampires are in space
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 01.28.18 @ 10:40am

Do short people start their childhood stories with "when I was little", too?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 01.28.18 @ 10:40am

Anyone says their wedding day was the best day of their lives has obviously never had 2 candy bars fall down at once from a vending machine
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 01.28.18 @ 10:39am

My panic room is a walk-in beer cooler at the liquor store.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny drinking status update saying on Sunday, 01.28.18 @ 10:39am

It's really cold out there folks. If you're heading to Wal-Mart, please wear two pairs of pajamas.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 01.28.18 @ 10:39am

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Really disappointed to find out after laser eye surgery I am unable to burn down buildings
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 01.28.18 @ 10:39am

How do nudist clean their glasses?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 01.28.18 @ 10:38am

To all the NSA agents reading this right now, I just want to say sorry that my life is so boring.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 01.28.18 @ 10:38am

When one door closes, another one opens.... That's when you realize that you've bought a really bad second hand car.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 01.28.18 @ 10:38am

I'm not as smart as I used to be but then again you can't stay a teenager all of your life.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 01.28.18 @ 10:38am

I changed the audio of my GPS to a man's voice. Now it just says "It's around here somewhere. Keep driving for a little while."
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 01.28.18 @ 10:38am

People were shocked when they found I wasn't a good electrician. :-)
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 01.28.18 @ 10:37am

Youth is wasted on the young.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 01.28.18 @ 10:37am

According to physics heat makes matter expand.....therefore I don't have a weight problem....I'm just hot
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 01.28.18 @ 10:37am

I'm selling my browser history on eBay before the government does.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 01.28.18 @ 10:37am

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