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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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Does any one know how to lower the difficulty settings on tinder?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 04.4.18 @ 09:16am

To the lady at Costco with her son on a leash. I'm sorry that I asked if he was a rescue.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 04.4.18 @ 09:15am

"I'll let you know" = I need more time to come up with an excuse
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 04.4.18 @ 09:15am

Having a bit of a lazy day! I'm sitting in my underwear looking for better jobs online ... My boss doesn't look amused.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 04.4.18 @ 09:15am

If you rearrange the letters of "postmen" they get really pissed off.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 04.4.18 @ 09:14am

If there is such thing as a fake noodle, does that make it an impasta?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 04.4.18 @ 09:14am

I woke up this morning with a glass of water on my bedside table with a note saying “for hungover me” I drank it and it was vodka. Drunk me can be such an asshole!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 03.25.18 @ 16:16pm

I'm just amazed after all these years that we STILL haven't seen Mario's buttcrack.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 03.25.18 @ 16:16pm

The bad news: I took the wrong medication today. The good news: For the next 3 months I'm protected against heartworms and fleas.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 03.25.18 @ 16:15pm

Golf would be a lot more fun to watch on TV if the balls were on fire
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 03.25.18 @ 16:15pm

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I guess I’ll take my Christmas tree down today.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny Christmas status update saying on Sunday, 03.25.18 @ 16:15pm

I remember when the internet was two tin cans and a string.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 03.25.18 @ 16:15pm

Inventor of camping: "Hey, let's go pretend to be homeless."
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 03.25.18 @ 16:14pm

Really close to my perfect target weight. All I need now is one more stomach flu
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 03.25.18 @ 16:14pm

Some people are training as complainers like it is a competitive sport
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 03.25.18 @ 16:14pm

How did human beings express empathy before the phrase "that sucks" was coined?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 03.25.18 @ 16:14pm

Dancing in the 70's: I have absolutely no idea what I am pointing at
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 03.25.18 @ 16:12pm

Somehow I thought growing up would involve more than staring at my phone
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 03.25.18 @ 16:12pm

You can make your life more entertaining by simply reaching out, and getting to know a whore.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 03.25.18 @ 16:12pm

The most misinformed people think they know all the facts.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 03.25.18 @ 16:11pm

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