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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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Alexa, clean up my act
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 12.16.18 @ 13:06pm

My doctor prescribed me a nasal steroid. Now everything has a strong smell.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 12.16.18 @ 13:05pm

Place aluminum foil in a paper shredder ... BOOM TINSEL !!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny Christmas status update saying on Sunday, 12.16.18 @ 13:05pm

I know winter has started when my neighbor returns my rake, and borrows my snow shovel.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 12.16.18 @ 13:05pm

Wait till they realize that Frosty has no pants and smokes a pipe in front of children.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny Christmas status update saying on Sunday, 12.16.18 @ 13:05pm

Some people should use a glue stick instead of chap stick.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 12.16.18 @ 13:04pm

I need a vacation that I may or may not ever come back from.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 12.16.18 @ 13:04pm

Well, I guess we are going to see "The Nutcracker" on Saturday! My mother-in-law, not the play...
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny Christmas status update saying on Sunday, 12.16.18 @ 13:04pm

It’s so cute when recipes only say 1/4 cup of cheese. Bless their hearts.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 12.16.18 @ 13:03pm

Since Facebook claims ownership of everything you post on their website I think I should start uploading my bills.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 12.16.18 @ 13:03pm

We would like to thank everyone that submits statuses to the site. Many get rejected because we don't think they are funny, or they are unreadable, or they are to inappropriate and offensive.
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You know you are old when people start telling you how young you look.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 12.16.18 @ 13:03pm

FOUR STAGES OF A MANS LIFE : 1. You believe in santa. 2. You don't believe in santa. 3. You are santa. 4. You look like santa.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny Christmas status update saying on Sunday, 12.16.18 @ 13:03pm

Turning on your lights and sirens after losing a drag race is just poor sportsmanship
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 12.16.18 @ 13:02pm

Gonna go lay under the Christmas tree to remind my family I'm a gift
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny Christmas status update saying on Sunday, 12.16.18 @ 13:02pm

Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 12.16.18 @ 13:01pm

For a song about the piano man, the harmonica man won't shut up.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 12.16.18 @ 13:01pm

Welcome to your 40s. Drugs are no longer just for fun, they’re medicine now
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 12.16.18 @ 13:01pm

I wonder where Noah kept the termites on the ark.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 12.16.18 @ 13:01pm

Gunpowder is just angry sand.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 12.16.18 @ 13:01pm

My grandfather use to say "Don't believe everything you hear." which was good advice...... Or was it ?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 12.16.18 @ 13:00pm

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