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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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I want my tombstone to say "It didn't make me stronger."
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 02.19.17 @ 15:56pm

Life Lesson: Never ever, ever do anything you wouldn't want to explain to a nurse in a busy ER.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 02.19.17 @ 15:55pm

One man's trash is another man's profile picture.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 02.19.17 @ 15:55pm

DAAAAY-OH! DAAaay-oh! Monday come and me wanna go home.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 02.19.17 @ 15:55pm

Ever since I installed AdBlock, all the single ladies in my area seemed to have lost interest.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 02.19.17 @ 15:55pm

Donít be ashamed of who you are. Thatís your parents job.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 02.19.17 @ 15:54pm

I hope I never go to jail because I haven't memorized a phone number since 2001
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 02.19.17 @ 15:53pm

I got a letter from my crush on Valentine's Day. Well, technically it's a restraining order but still....
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 02.19.17 @ 15:53pm

I have good taste, I just don't have the money to prove it.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 02.19.17 @ 15:53pm

The phrase "don't take this the wrong way" has zero % success rate
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 02.19.17 @ 15:53pm

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My wife just opened a jar of pickles by herself and I can't help but think that my days around here are numbered...
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 02.19.17 @ 15:53pm

Can you imagine the reaction 20 years ago if you showed people a photo album filled with pictures you took of yourself in the bathroom?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 02.19.17 @ 15:52pm

I must say I enjoy it more when a girl asks me out. To me, there's nothing more attractive than that high level of confidence, initiative, and poor judgment.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny relationship status update saying on Saturday, 02.18.17 @ 14:29pm

The face jewelry is getting out of hand. I saw a guy today that looked like he had done a face plant in a tackle box.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 02.18.17 @ 14:19pm

Coffee eyedrops! Another million dollar idea.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 02.17.17 @ 03:20am

How can there be more horses asses than there are horses?
Posted By: DaFumps - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 02.16.17 @ 17:51pm

I can relate to Alice in Wonderland. She just keeps randomly eating and drinking with hope that it might magically solve her problems.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 02.16.17 @ 03:28am

I feel like a piece of corn in the digestive tract of life ~ I'm going through a lot of crap but I'm sure I'll come out whole.
Posted By: Lori - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 02.15.17 @ 10:16am

When will they start calling marijuana dispenseries grass stations?
Posted By: Bear - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 02.14.17 @ 18:15pm

So the state trooper said "I've been following you with my lights flashing for three miles. Why didn't you pull over?" and I said "Well, a few years ago my wife ran away with a state trooper and I was worried that you were trying to return her."
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 02.14.17 @ 09:59am

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