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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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The only correct answer to the question are you sleeping is no.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 11.6.17 @ 10:09am

If kids are so wonderful why do you have to pay people to watch them?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 11.6.17 @ 10:09am

Remember waffles are just pancakes ribbed for your pleasure
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 11.6.17 @ 10:09am

Good thing I got a college degree I think as I put away the kid toys for the 49 billionth time
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 11.6.17 @ 10:09am

Her: Do you want to run away with me? ME: We won't actually be running, right?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 11.6.17 @ 10:08am

Someones therapist knows all about you.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 11.6.17 @ 10:08am

Car commercials make driving around in empty parking structures look fun and normal and not suspicious or kidnappy.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 11.6.17 @ 10:08am

Technically, Humpty Dumpty died a crack head
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 11.6.17 @ 10:08am

When I see you in hell I'll still ignore you
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 11.6.17 @ 10:08am

Last night I got so drunk I blacked out for two hours, but then I realized Id just put my hoodie on backwards
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 11.6.17 @ 10:07am

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2017 didn't need that extra hour back.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 11.6.17 @ 10:07am

I used to work at a fire hydrant factory. I couldn't park anywhere near the place
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 11.6.17 @ 10:07am

Helpful Tip: Use a tortilla as a lap napkin so you can still eat all the food you spill
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 11.6.17 @ 10:07am

My wife asked me if I knew her favorite flower was. Apparently "Gold Medal All Purpose" was not the correct response
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 11.6.17 @ 10:06am

When you are on a first date and she says to you: I want you to treat me like a movie star, it is vitally important to establish which type of movie.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 11.6.17 @ 10:06am

Elevator music bothers me on so many levels
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 11.6.17 @ 10:06am

You know youre working class when your TV is bigger than your book case.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 11.6.17 @ 10:06am

I ate too much salad over the weekend so I'm going on an Oreo cleanse today.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 11.6.17 @ 10:06am

I've never said "in all seriousness" and actually meant it.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 11.6.17 @ 10:06am

Cigarettes have warning labels because they are dangerous and addictive yet vaginas are allowed to just roam around freely.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 11.6.17 @ 10:05am

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