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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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The reason dogs look confused when you open the refrigerator door is because they're thinking "Why don't you just eat ALL the food?"
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 02.10.18 @ 16:10pm

Its national shave your... Well, tomorrow is valentine's day. Just an FYI.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny Valentines status update saying on Saturday, 02.10.18 @ 16:09pm

I bet if there were little basketball hoops above every garbage can, littering would greatly decrease.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 02.10.18 @ 16:09pm

Look!!! I am always here for you no matter what,OK? unless there is something good on tv or I'm eating pie
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 02.10.18 @ 16:08pm

My date just saved me tons of money by simply saying, "no, I don't want to be your valentine and stop texting me!"
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny Valentines status update saying on Saturday, 02.10.18 @ 16:08pm

I realized that at my income level "Wealth Management" really just means re-organizing the money in my wallet by denomination.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 02.10.18 @ 16:08pm

If you can't celebrate Valentine's Day with someone you love, forget about it at a bar that you like...
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny Valentines status update saying on Saturday, 02.10.18 @ 16:08pm

Hey, if it doesn't work out, we can still be friends. Said no guy ever
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 02.10.18 @ 16:07pm

Two girls riding their bikes on a cobble stone road. 1st girl: I never came this way before. 2nd girl: Me neither. It must be the cobble stones.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 02.10.18 @ 16:07pm

This year rather than candy for your valentine why not liquor instead.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny Valentines status update saying on Saturday, 02.10.18 @ 16:06pm

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A lot of woman turn into good drivers. So if you're a good driver, beware of women drivers when their making a turn.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 02.10.18 @ 16:05pm

When people with multiple personality disorders are about to die, whose life flashes before their eyes?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 02.10.18 @ 16:04pm

I went to the store and saw that Duracell batteries were on sale just before Valentine's Day. Someone is a marketing genius.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny Valentines status update saying on Saturday, 02.10.18 @ 16:04pm

It could be worse. Spiders could have wings.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 02.10.18 @ 16:04pm

Two of the greatest mysteries of the universe: 1) Why are we here? 2) How come Chinese restaurants don't serve breakfast?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 02.10.18 @ 16:04pm

Shout out to the single lady I saw buying a bunch of Duracell batteries on Valentine's Day.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny Valentines status update saying on Saturday, 02.10.18 @ 16:03pm

Sometimes, I like to stalk random strangers vacation pic's, and tag myself as one of the people in the background just for laughs.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 02.10.18 @ 16:03pm

I think the spork would have caught on better if they called it "a forkin' spoon!"
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 02.10.18 @ 16:02pm

The amount of time my smartphone spends plugged in charging, you might as well want to call it a Land-line
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 02.10.18 @ 16:02pm

Ran out of post-it notes, now I don't know how to remind myself to buy more.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 02.10.18 @ 16:02pm

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