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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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The only way I'll ever run a marathon is if I set up the booths and hand out tags.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 07.28.18 @ 12:11pm

The object of golf.... is to play the least amount of golf.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 07.28.18 @ 12:11pm

I know it’s rain but I hate when my coworker tell me how many inches they got last night.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 07.28.18 @ 12:11pm

Bartenders are basically professionals that we hire to poison us very slowly in creative ways.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 07.28.18 @ 12:11pm

Will you go with me to my therapist tomorrow? He thinks I'm making you up.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 07.28.18 @ 12:11pm

I found a real money maker in selling homing pigeons....... So far this month I sold mine 4 times.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 07.28.18 @ 12:10pm

Have you ever noticed the irony behind “hyphenated” and “non-hyphenated”?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 07.28.18 @ 12:10pm

Words and phrases I hope do not appear in my obituary: "Skeletal remains", "Dumpster", "Beyond recognition", "Decapitated", "Dental records", "Shallow grave", "Strewn", and "Suicide by Cop."
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 07.28.18 @ 12:10pm

Never make an arm wrestle bet with a guy who has been single for longer than 6 months.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 07.28.18 @ 12:10pm

The smaller the town, the bigger the sex cult.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 07.28.18 @ 12:09pm

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The differance between flirting and sexual harrassment ... If you're attrative, it's flirting.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 07.28.18 @ 12:09pm

Do you think they still give out chips in Gambler's Anonymous?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 07.28.18 @ 12:09pm

Appearing on several episodes of Cops doesn't make you a TV star.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 07.28.18 @ 12:08pm

Do not worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older it will avoid you.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 07.28.18 @ 12:08pm

A massage is just professional petting for humans.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 07.28.18 @ 12:07pm

Went into a five-star hotel to use the bathroom and now it's a two-star hotel.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 07.28.18 @ 12:07pm

I bet it’s pretty hard at a mime’s funeral to figure out when the moment of silence is over.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 07.28.18 @ 12:07pm

So they say that having to much sex can cause memory loss, which is just a little something I seem to remember reading in a Rolling Stone magazine once on page 64 paragraphs 3 through 5 while sitting on a park bench October 14th 2002 at 3:46 p.m
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 07.28.18 @ 12:06pm

I sent one of those swabs off for DNA sampling. Apparently, I'm 50% Crest, 25% Denture fixative, 13% kebab, and 12% Rum.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 07.28.18 @ 12:06pm

Hell yes, I would love to get stoned to death. Wait, rocks?! What rocks?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 07.28.18 @ 12:06pm

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