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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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And now it's too hot outside to take down the Christmas lights
Posted By: Bear - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 04.14.17 @ 14:17pm

Sometimes I add things to my to-do list that Iíve already done just so I can immediately cross them off.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 04.9.17 @ 12:52pm

Ever had one of those days that you feel like you should have skipped the morning coffee and went straight for the booze?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 04.9.17 @ 12:52pm

What if the lightbulb had never been invented? How would we know when someone has a really good idea?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 04.9.17 @ 12:52pm

I keep forgetting how bad my memory has become
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 04.9.17 @ 12:51pm

Chocolate is a flavor of milk, and milk is a flavor of chocolate.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 04.9.17 @ 12:51pm

I think the guy who invented the word kumquats should have gotten to name more stuff!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 04.9.17 @ 12:51pm

If a Jehovah's Witness dies and goes to heaven does God hide behind the Pearly Gates and pretend he's not home?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 04.9.17 @ 12:51pm

If anxiety was good for weight loss, I'd be back to my birth weight.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 04.9.17 @ 12:51pm

My memory foam has amnesia
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 04.9.17 @ 12:51pm

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The trouble with being punctual is that nobody is there to appreciate it.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 04.9.17 @ 12:50pm

I'm good at counting cards. I keep ending up with 52.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 04.9.17 @ 12:50pm

Wow comma I just realized if I tap the microphone on my keyboard I don't have to type out my statuses anymore exclamation point
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 04.9.17 @ 12:49pm

Iím just gonna let my pillow decide my hairstyle for tomorrow.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 04.9.17 @ 12:49pm

It's hard to be a good person when kids fit so perfectly into trash cans.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 04.9.17 @ 12:49pm

A stranger at Walmart just coughed in my face, so I've probably only got two, maybe three, days to live.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 04.9.17 @ 12:49pm

Procrastination is a dish best served eventually.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 04.9.17 @ 12:48pm

If you're sick and tired of every Asshole on Facebook asking you to copy and paste stuff as your status, please copy and paste this as your status.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 04.9.17 @ 12:48pm

My new diet is not buying things at the store that make the cashier say wow someone's having a party
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 04.9.17 @ 12:48pm

A smart man washes his hands after he pees. A wise man doesn't pee on his fingers.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 04.9.17 @ 12:47pm

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