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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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My girlfriend wanted me to come shopping, but I had a headache... I must have caught it from her last night when we didn't have sex.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 05.7.17 @ 17:08pm

Most bags of sand live a tough life stopping floods. But some, the lucky ones, live a leisurely life tied to the basket of a hot air balloon
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 05.7.17 @ 17:08pm

Anyone going to stare at their phones anywhere cool this weekend?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 05.7.17 @ 17:07pm

We all have faults. It's just that mine are better than yours.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 05.7.17 @ 17:07pm

Is it weird to get naked during a massage? At what point can I ask the masseuse to put his pants back on?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 05.7.17 @ 17:06pm

Why is it called a "personal trainer", instead of an "exercist"?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 05.7.17 @ 17:06pm

Don't you wish it was as easy to adjust the brightness level on people as it is on your phone?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 05.7.17 @ 17:06pm

My wife told me: "Sex is better on vacation." That wasn't a very nice postcard to receive.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 05.7.17 @ 17:06pm

If I was gonna make a bomb, I'd use the same color wire for the whole thing.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 05.7.17 @ 17:06pm

You millennials and your obsession with public healthcare. Back in my day we just died
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 05.7.17 @ 17:06pm

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Yesterday I jokingly asked my wife what she was burning for dinner. Turns out it was all my personal belongings.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 05.7.17 @ 17:05pm

They don't say "Get down Mr. President" anymore. Now they just shout, "Donald Duck!"
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 05.7.17 @ 17:05pm

Traffic jams are more tolerable if you just think of them as really boring parades.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 05.7.17 @ 17:05pm

I think I may have misunderstood my boss yesterday when she told me that she wanted to see me hard at work
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 05.7.17 @ 17:05pm

Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 05.7.17 @ 17:05pm

Reverse cowgirl. Perfect for when you're horny, but can't stand to look at each other !
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 05.7.17 @ 17:04pm

What thinks the unthinkable? An itheberg.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 05.7.17 @ 17:04pm

Imagine how much faster Olympic sprinters could run if they saw their wives going through their phones at the finish line
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 05.7.17 @ 17:04pm

I bought the world's worst thesaurus yesterday. Not only is it terrible, it's terrible.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 05.7.17 @ 17:04pm

I remember being able to get up without making sound effects. Good times.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 05.7.17 @ 17:04pm

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