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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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I just decorated my bedroom to look like my desk at work so I can fall sleep faster.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.10.17 @ 10:37am

Google image results are like a party that starts off exactly how you expected and gets weirder the longer you stay.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.10.17 @ 10:36am

I was bitten by a mosquito last night. Bet that little bastard is pretty hung-over today
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.10.17 @ 10:36am

I cannot be held responsible for what my face does when other people talk.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.10.17 @ 10:36am

The internet...turning cowards into tough guys daily.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.10.17 @ 10:36am

We should have staff meetings in the garden. The plants would love the fertilizer.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.10.17 @ 10:36am

When a man says he'll do anything for a woman, he means slaying dragons, killing zombies and rescuing her from castle towers. IT DOES NOT MEAN cleaning garage, fixing roof and cleaning out the basement!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.10.17 @ 10:36am

If other employees are taking four fifteen minutes smoke breaks a day, I should most certainly be allowed a one hour nap time.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.10.17 @ 10:35am

I hate when a couple argues in public but I missed the start and don't know whose side I'm on.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.10.17 @ 10:35am

Why is it called Boob Sweat and not Humiditties?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.10.17 @ 10:35am

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Why do guys go to bars to meet women? Go to Target. There's like 10 women to each man and they're already there looking for things they don't need.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.10.17 @ 10:35am

QVC has agreed to purchase the Home Shopping Network for around $2 Billion...OR just 100,250,627 easy payments of $19.95!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.10.17 @ 10:35am

I'm so unlucky with women? I visited a massage parlour the other day..and they told me it was "self - service"
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.10.17 @ 10:34am

I wonder if Brazil has a wax museum?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.10.17 @ 10:34am

YouŽd be amazed how often IŽm wrong when people say guess what
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.10.17 @ 10:34am

I have some serious self-esteem issues. The last time I posted a selfie I first cropped myself out of it.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.10.17 @ 10:31am

My desire to be well informed is currently in deep conflict with my need to stay sane.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.10.17 @ 10:30am

I used to date a girl with a lazy eye, but she was seeing someone on the side.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.10.17 @ 10:30am

I really need a long road trip, top down, in the Jeep...with a cooler....loud music....and an extra cooler in case the first one isn't enough
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.10.17 @ 10:30am

I was wondering why some couples don't go to the gym together but I guess some relationships just don't work out...
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.10.17 @ 10:29am

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