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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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Jehovah's Witnesses, Improving my hiding skills since 1974.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 12.31.17 @ 15:40pm

I was halfway through a recipe when I read the instruction "Now chill in fridge for at least two hours". I only managed 30 minutes. I was freezing.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 12.31.17 @ 15:40pm

Sometimes at the gym I'll struggle and make all kinds of awkward grunting sounds, but eventually I'll get my shorts on.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 12.31.17 @ 15:40pm

Beer is good, but beers are better.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 12.31.17 @ 15:40pm

Ever notice your Christmas stocking has just enough room for chocolates and a bottle of wine. Coincidence? I don't think soooo.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny Christmas status update saying on Saturday, 12.23.17 @ 15:53pm

I finally quit eating pizza for good, now I only eat pizza for evil.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 12.23.17 @ 15:53pm

How can they have a Facebook group called Facebookers Anonymous? That's like trying to hold a successful AA meeting in a bar.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 12.23.17 @ 15:53pm

My New Years resolution is to be more assertive if that's okay with you guys?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 12.23.17 @ 15:53pm

I think the golden rule for men should be, donít say anything to a woman at work that you wouldnít want another man to say to you in prison.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 12.23.17 @ 15:52pm

"Oh wow, it's a fruit cake! I'm going to eat some of it right now" ...said no one ever.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny Christmas status update saying on Saturday, 12.23.17 @ 15:52pm

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You bring everyone a lot of joy ... when you leave the room.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 12.23.17 @ 15:48pm

Some of us live thousands of miles away from the majority of our relatives and can't be with them for the holidays. But don't be jealous.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny Christmas status update saying on Saturday, 12.23.17 @ 15:47pm

The queen honey bee has up to 40 sexual partners a day, just like your ex.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 12.23.17 @ 14:41pm

Shout out to ATM fees for making me buy my own money.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 12.23.17 @ 14:40pm

My ex-girlfriend broke up with me because she says I was obsessed with football. I was shocked. I mean we were together for 3 1/2 seasons.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 12.23.17 @ 14:40pm

75% of men kiss their wives good bye when leaving the house. 100% kiss their house good bye when leaving their wives.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 12.23.17 @ 14:40pm

I'm reaching the point where I really hope it's not possible to be annoyed to death.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 12.23.17 @ 14:40pm

Is it safe to take off my Winter Solstice Glasses yet?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 12.23.17 @ 14:39pm

For once Iíd like to get kicked into a bar
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny drinking status update saying on Saturday, 12.23.17 @ 14:39pm

Whenever someone says they did something, "like a boss", I assume that means they didnít do it at all and are merely taking credit for it.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 12.23.17 @ 14:39pm

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