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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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7,000 people were treated in emergency rooms for injuries sustained from fireworks. Don’t be a statistic, let your friend light the fuse
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 06.30.18 @ 13:09pm

All cookies are "bite size" if you believe in yourself enough.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 06.30.18 @ 13:09pm

When things get to stressful I hit the jim.......... Beam.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 06.30.18 @ 13:09pm

Since 4th of July falls on a Wednesday do we drink the weekend before? the weekend after? That Wednesday? The entire week? The entire month? The entire year?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 06.30.18 @ 13:09pm

Before I die I'm going to eat a bag of popcorn kernels. My cremation should be spectacular.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 06.30.18 @ 13:09pm

I wish I could afford to be as weird as I wanna be.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 06.30.18 @ 13:09pm

Deaf people don't have safe words, they use stop signs.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 06.30.18 @ 13:08pm

You know those people who get all excited and lovey with puppies at pet stores? Same. But I'm in a liquor store.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 06.30.18 @ 13:08pm

Mom: Some scary old lady keeps FaceTiming me. Me: Mom, turn your camera around and she’ll go away.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 06.30.18 @ 13:08pm

My insurance company said if my tent is stolen while I'm camping, I won't be covered.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 06.30.18 @ 13:08pm

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I found my first grey pubic hair today. Normally things like this don't bother me, but it was in my Big Mac.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 06.30.18 @ 13:08pm

Arguing with people in the comments section is like crack for me. I don't do it.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 06.30.18 @ 13:07pm

A person who is bad at math should never take a calculated risk.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 06.30.18 @ 13:07pm

I am a brilliant man, I just sometimes can't remember where I parked my car.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 06.30.18 @ 13:07pm

How do you people have the time to hate a stranger on the internet?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 06.30.18 @ 13:07pm

I have a lot on my plate right now. Not busy, just hungry.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 06.30.18 @ 13:06pm

I live in a small town where the population never changes. Every time a girl gets pregant a guy leaves town.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 06.30.18 @ 13:06pm

Success is like being pregnant. Everybody congratulates you, But nobody knows how many times you were ****** before you got there.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 06.30.18 @ 13:06pm

I thought Row vs. Wade was Washington's decision when he reached the Delaware.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 06.30.18 @ 13:06pm

Just deserts: When a cashier hands you dollar bills back as change. Hold them up to the light like they do when you pay them.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 06.30.18 @ 13:06pm

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