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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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As I got older my six-pack turn into a keg.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 08.31.17 @ 10:04am

I want the time management skills of people who effortlessly carve out entire hours to be offended by every single thing on the internet.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 08.20.17 @ 12:48pm

I just saw the neighbor's kid trying to spray whipped cream on his cat. I'm thinking he overheard something last night in that house he wasn't supposed to.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 08.20.17 @ 12:48pm

Who is this "Moderation" they keep telling me to drink with?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 08.20.17 @ 12:48pm

One great thing about life before the internet was if you met someone, you didn't then have to know them the rest of your life.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 08.20.17 @ 12:48pm

Memories of you make me look forward to alzheimers.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 08.20.17 @ 12:47pm

You think your wife is crazy now? Try divorcing her
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 08.20.17 @ 12:47pm

Start each day with a positive thought like, "I can go back to bed in about 17 short hours."
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 08.20.17 @ 12:46pm

So apparently RSVP-ing to a wedding invite with "Maybe next time" wasn't the best response. Who knew?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 08.20.17 @ 12:45pm

Just got in 30 minutes of cardio trying to pick an ice cube up off the kitchen floor.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 08.20.17 @ 12:45pm

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If you can't remember my name, just say 'donuts'. I'll definitely turn around and look.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 08.20.17 @ 12:45pm

Shoplifting is just undocumented shopping.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 08.20.17 @ 12:44pm

All shoes are technically buy one get one free.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 08.20.17 @ 12:44pm

"Baby on Board" Oh really? Thanks for letting me know. I was about to ram into your car but now I won't.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 08.20.17 @ 12:43pm

"Rear facing, pedal activated photon cannon" sounds much more badass than "brake lights"
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 08.20.17 @ 12:43pm

My doctor told me to start killing people. Well it wasn't those exact words. He said I needed to reduce the stress in my life.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 08.20.17 @ 12:43pm

I've decided that I'm an ass man. Don't get me wrong, horses are beautiful. They just aren't as cute as donkeys.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 08.20.17 @ 12:42pm

I took a sexual harassment course yesterday...I think I'm going to be pretty good at it.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 08.20.17 @ 12:42pm

One day I will solve all problems with grace & maturity. Today is not that day...
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 08.20.17 @ 12:41pm

Why do ballerinas always stand in their toes? Why don't they get taller dancers?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 08.20.17 @ 12:40pm

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