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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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Not to brag, but I donít need to smoke pot to get the munchies.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 05.6.18 @ 12:46pm

At work, sometimes I secretly brew decaf coffee in the normal pot so that everyone else works at my pace.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 05.6.18 @ 12:45pm

One person forgetting to take their medication can really liven up a mundane day at the office.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 05.6.18 @ 12:45pm

Modern video games are giving kids unrealistic standards of how many swords they can carry at one time.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 05.6.18 @ 12:45pm

An egg salad is really just a chicken salad that is really underdone.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 05.6.18 @ 12:45pm

Do you ever get bored on the internet and then grab your phone to see what the other, smaller internet is up to?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 05.6.18 @ 12:45pm

I like how Reese's come with two peanut butter cups in the package. That way I can eat one now and then the other one right afterwards.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 05.6.18 @ 12:44pm

I mean really though...Why wash cups when you can just drink out of the jug?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 05.6.18 @ 12:44pm

The batteries in my electric toothbrush died before I finished. I've never sympathized more with women in my life.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 05.6.18 @ 12:44pm

Happy third birthday to the tartar sauce in my fridge.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 05.6.18 @ 12:44pm

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People are way less judgmental when you say you had an "avocado salad" instead of saying you ate a bowl of guacamole.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 05.6.18 @ 12:43pm

I am looking at this online special deal at Disneyworld and thinking no, my kids can annoy me just fine right here at home.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 05.6.18 @ 12:43pm

"No I donít need any help. I know more about booze than you do" - Me to the liquor store clerk
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny drinking status update saying on Sunday, 05.6.18 @ 12:43pm

Bring donuts so your coworkers will like you. Cut them in half so they will hate you again.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 05.6.18 @ 12:42pm

People should mute themselves on conference calls when they are crossing a battlefield and killing enemies to get to the next level.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 05.6.18 @ 12:42pm

The lady walking ahead of me sped up so I did, she began running so I did, she screamed so I did. I never even saw what we were running from.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 05.6.18 @ 12:42pm

So exactly what age will I stop falling over while trying to put on my underwear?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 05.6.18 @ 12:42pm

I hope the next big trend in music is Talent.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 05.6.18 @ 12:41pm

Congratulations on becoming a homeowner! From now on, every noise you hear will cost you money.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 05.6.18 @ 12:41pm

Running shoes? No, I don't run. These are my "better hurry up the liquor store is about to close" shoes.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny drinking status update saying on Sunday, 05.6.18 @ 12:41pm

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