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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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You've got to love yourself ... Just not in public places
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 09.10.17 @ 11:17am

I have never preheated an oven but I have pre-eaten a frozen pizza.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 09.10.17 @ 11:17am

Who knew adulthood would involve so much Advil?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 09.10.17 @ 11:17am

I ate a shepherd's pie for lunch. He was pretty upset about it.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 09.10.17 @ 11:16am

Shaving your head is the "You can't fire me because i quit" approach to male pattern baldness.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 09.10.17 @ 11:16am

Stress balls work really well when you shove them down someone's throat.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 09.10.17 @ 11:15am

I don't care about Disney lying about the Prince Charmings out there. I'm more annoyed that random woodland creatures won't clean my house.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 09.10.17 @ 11:15am

I need a leaf blower, but for people.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 09.10.17 @ 11:15am

I now have permanent vision loss due to excessive eye-rolling at stupid idiots.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 09.10.17 @ 11:15am

Never confuse the words "venom" and "poison". Venom is injected into blood by an animal. Poison is injected into food by a woman.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 09.10.17 @ 11:15am

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Don't forget to get your hurricane glasses before looking at it.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 09.10.17 @ 11:14am

Hurricanes, Fires,Tiger running loose ... Whoever is playing Jumanji needs to wrap it up
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 09.10.17 @ 11:13am

Upside to hurricanes... you might get a free boat delivered to your front yard.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 09.10.17 @ 11:13am

You're never too old to be spanked ...If you play your cards right.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 09.10.17 @ 11:13am

It must suck to be an air conditioner repairman. You spend your day working in buildings that have no air conditioning. When it's fixed and finally cool, you leave.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 09.10.17 @ 11:11am

I'll admit I'm not perfect but what did the horse I rode in on do?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 09.10.17 @ 11:10am

The only thing actually impossible in life is taking a picture for a group of women and having ALL of them like it.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 09.10.17 @ 11:09am

A psychologist is selling a video that teaches you how to test your dog’s IQ. Here’s how it works: If you spend $12.99 for the video, your dog is smarter than you.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 09.10.17 @ 11:09am

Always carry a knife. You never know when cake might happen.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 09.10.17 @ 11:08am

Anything can be considered your job if you hate it enough.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 09.10.17 @ 11:08am

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