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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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Now that football season is here, if anyone's favorite team loses, they can just blame it on Trump.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 09.3.17 @ 18:28pm

I wish I could match my dog's excitement to go outside.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 08.31.17 @ 10:09am

What number SPF blocks people?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 08.31.17 @ 10:08am

It must be annoying for nudists when they have to clean their glasses
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 08.31.17 @ 10:08am

I'm glad the Eclipse is over so I can go back to staring directly into the sun.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 08.31.17 @ 10:08am

I wouldn't pay for a personal trainer, but I would pay someone to just knock unhealthy food out of my hands.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 08.31.17 @ 10:08am

Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 08.31.17 @ 10:07am

Funny how drinking 8 glasses of water a day seems impossible, but 8 beers, and 6 shots, go down like a fat kid on a see-saw.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 08.31.17 @ 10:07am

Don't talk to me like I'm stupid until you know for sure.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 08.31.17 @ 10:07am

To the woman that won the powerball ... "what's up baby"
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 08.31.17 @ 10:07am

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90% of adulthood is just deleting emails.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 08.31.17 @ 10:06am

They should make a "How It's Made" episode on how "How It's Made" is made.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 08.31.17 @ 10:06am

I don't care if its a scam! Just the fact that the Prince of Nigeria sends me personal email makes me feel special!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 08.31.17 @ 10:06am

Never buy crystal meth from a guy with a full set of teeth. He's obviously an undercover cop.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 08.31.17 @ 10:06am

If your house doesn't have house numbers on it, you need to address that situation.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 08.31.17 @ 10:06am

I remember when peer pressure was all about drugs and promiscuous sex. Now it's Fitbit and who has the best gluten free recipes.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 08.31.17 @ 10:05am

It's Saturday morning. My neighbor has mowed his lawn AND weeded his garden. I've spent ten minutes trying to reach the remote with my foot.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 08.31.17 @ 10:05am

The fastest way to get someone to call you back is to take a shower.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 08.31.17 @ 10:04am

Pro tip: Go the the gym on one of those 1 day free passes, take 365 selfies then post one every day.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 08.31.17 @ 10:04am

I hate when a couple argues in public but I missed the start and don't know whose side I'm on.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 08.31.17 @ 10:04am

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