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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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Wrapping these baby carrots in Tootsie Roll wrappers is exhausting but the payoff will be worth it come Halloween.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny Halloween status update saying on Friday, 10.27.17 @ 14:53pm

Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 10.27.17 @ 14:51pm

Hey rumor has it, that if you look up from your phone you can see all kinds of pretty colors in the trees this time of year.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 10.27.17 @ 14:50pm

I want to be something scary for Halloween so I am going as a positive pregnancy test......
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny Halloween status update saying on Friday, 10.27.17 @ 14:48pm

Improve your day by ordering coffee in the voice you use for your pets
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 10.27.17 @ 14:41pm

If whores, witches, ghosts and hobo's show up on my doorstep, I can only assume it's Halloween because our family reunion was in July....
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny Halloween status update saying on Friday, 10.27.17 @ 14:40pm

I love Halloween because it's the only night of the year I may end up getting drunk with Batman and going home with a cheerleader.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny Halloween status update saying on Friday, 10.27.17 @ 14:37pm

Limbo champion walks into a bar...he's disqualified.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 10.27.17 @ 14:37pm

Adulthood is when 4:30am is early in the morning instead of late at night.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 10.27.17 @ 14:36pm

I have an irrational fear of speed bumps but, Iím slowly getting over it.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 10.27.17 @ 14:36pm

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The hardest part of carving a pumpkin nowadays is finding some newspaper to spread
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny Halloween status update saying on Friday, 10.27.17 @ 14:28pm

Change is hard. Seriously, have you ever bit a nickel?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 10.27.17 @ 07:10am

Cubs fans, you need to wait 107 more years. But don't worry, 2124 will be here before you know it!
Posted By: Bear - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 10.20.17 @ 08:26am

The trouble with living alone is that it's always my turn to do dishes.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 10.14.17 @ 11:13am

Netflix is raising rates again? Man, whoever's password I'm using has got to be pissed!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 10.14.17 @ 11:12am

So the Boy Scouts are going to let girls join. Teenage boys and girls camping in the woods together. What could possibly go wrong?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 10.14.17 @ 11:11am

If you think your wife is crazy now. Wait untill you divorce her.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 10.14.17 @ 11:10am

No matter how much you push the envelope - it'll still be stationery.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 10.14.17 @ 11:10am

The scariest US president was Rushmore, because he had 4 heads
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 10.14.17 @ 11:10am

Do handjobs from girls who speak sign language count as blowjobs
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 10.14.17 @ 11:09am

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