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Every loaf of bread is a tragic story about a field of grain that could have become beer but didn't.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny drinking status update saying on Sunday, 09.30.18 @ 13:09pm
Pro tip: Bakeries don't check ID's so you can buy a birthday cake whenever you want!!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 09.30.18 @ 13:09pm
I said Alexa, what do women want? The damn thing has not shut up for the past three days.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 09.30.18 @ 13:09pm
Why do the Flintstones celebrate Christmas?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 09.30.18 @ 13:09pm
All porn videos should start with 5 seconds music to remind you that your volume is turned up
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 09.30.18 @ 13:08pm
Drinking rum before 10am makes you a pirate, not an alcoholic!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny drinking status update saying on Sunday, 09.30.18 @ 13:08pm
Crickets are really loud for something that gets eaten by everything
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 09.30.18 @ 13:08pm
Confucius said: "To be old and wise, you first have to be young and stupid."
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 09.30.18 @ 13:08pm
You can't watch the news and drink a glass of water at the same time anymore.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 09.30.18 @ 13:07pm
It sucks being a grown up. Nobody tells you you did a good job when you eat all of your food.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 09.30.18 @ 13:07pm
We would like to thank everyone that submits statuses to the site. Many get rejected because we don't think they are funny, or they are unreadable, or they are to inappropriate and offensive.
I'm just glad chicken breast don't have nipples
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 09.30.18 @ 13:07pm
I bought an awesome watch the other day, It was waterproof, shockproof, fireproof, bulletproof, acidproof, childproof & scratchproof. I lost it.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 09.30.18 @ 13:06pm
If you can't find your wife or GF at the mall, just start talking to the hottest girl you see and she'll appear out of nowhere.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 09.30.18 @ 13:06pm
If you get excited that jumping on the bed won't spill the wineglass on the other side, you're probably an alcoholic.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny drinking status update saying on Sunday, 09.30.18 @ 13:05pm
When people hate you, hold your head high and your finger higher.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 09.30.18 @ 13:05pm
If I've learned anything in my 23 years on earth, it's that it's okay to lie about your age.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 09.30.18 @ 13:04pm
First rule of Fast Food management: Always put the employee with the worst accent on the drive-thru.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 09.30.18 @ 13:03pm
Sometimes I think sharks eat people just so they can be on tv.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 09.30.18 @ 13:03pm
There's a big difference between a wise guy and a wise man...
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 09.30.18 @ 13:03pm
Lobster tail and beer are three of my favorite things!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny drinking status update saying on Sunday, 09.30.18 @ 13:03pm