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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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How am I supposed to get any work done with all this work I have to do?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 10.14.17 @ 11:09am

But in my most troublesome times, I looked down and saw only one set of footprints. I asked the Lord why, and He replied that sand people ride single file to hide their numbers.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 10.14.17 @ 11:09am

How much time has to pass before grave robbing is considered archaeology?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 10.14.17 @ 11:09am

You know you are old when your birthday suit doesn't fit anymore.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 10.14.17 @ 11:07am

My theory: Every squirrel you see is currently on a dare from another squirrel
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 10.14.17 @ 11:06am

It's only a matter of time until "Security cameras of Wal-Mart" become a hit reality show.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 10.14.17 @ 11:06am

I'm a compulsive liar. Every thing I say is a lie. And that's the truth.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 10.14.17 @ 11:06am

Blessed are they who can just read it and move on.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 10.14.17 @ 11:05am

I could write an entire book on excuses... but I have to drop my dog off at the airport.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 10.14.17 @ 11:05am

"Goodbye, everyone. I'll remember you all in therapy." -Me, leaving a family reunion.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 10.14.17 @ 11:04am

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You'd think that with as much time as women spend looking at their butt in the mirror they would be able to parallel park.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 10.14.17 @ 11:04am

I have a coffee table in my house. It's decaffeinated but you would never know it by looking at it.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 10.14.17 @ 11:04am

The longer I stay at home. The more homeless looking I look.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 10.14.17 @ 11:00am

If you boil a clown, do you get laughing stock?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 10.1.17 @ 18:30pm

Something I never said as a kid: My book stopped working.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 10.1.17 @ 18:30pm

I'm like the toughest guy in this comic book store.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 10.1.17 @ 18:30pm

If by "crunches" you mean the sound potato chips make when you chew them, then yes, I do crunches.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 10.1.17 @ 18:30pm

If you don't remember her name in the morning, take her to Starbucks.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 10.1.17 @ 18:30pm

If you eat doughnuts fast enough your Fitbit thinks you're walking.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 10.1.17 @ 18:29pm

Whenever someone invites me to their home and I see more than 3 cars parked outside, I keep driving just in case it's an intervention.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 10.1.17 @ 18:29pm

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