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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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Picked up a hitchhiker last night. He said thanks how do you know Iím not a serial killer? I replied the chances of two serial killerís being in the same car are astronomical.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 06.9.18 @ 06:45am

Meal prepping is basically eating a week's worth of leftovers from a meal that never happened.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 06.9.18 @ 06:45am

Donít piss off old people. The older they get, the less Ďlife in prisoní is a deterrent.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 06.9.18 @ 06:45am

Is it just me or doesn't anyone disappear in the Bermuda triangle anymore?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 06.9.18 @ 06:45am

I hate when Iím walking into the gym and the wind blows me into the liquor store.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny drinking status update saying on Saturday, 06.9.18 @ 06:44am

I don't get personal trainers. I've never been exercising and thought "man, I wish someone hot was criticizing me right now."
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 06.9.18 @ 06:44am

Kids maybe a gift..... But I like playing with the box it came in.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 06.9.18 @ 06:44am

They say if the palm of your hand itches, you're going to get something. And if your crouch itches, you've already got it.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 06.9.18 @ 06:44am

I think the only way I'll ever be motivated to go to the gym is if I'm in prison.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 06.9.18 @ 06:43am

The same people that made fun of me for my calculator watch in high school are now wearing Apple watches.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 06.9.18 @ 06:43am

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Futons are the most disappointing Transformers ever.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 06.9.18 @ 06:43am

Ironing boards are just surf boards that gave up their dreams and got real jobs.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 06.9.18 @ 06:42am

The Great Wall of China has brought more foreigners than it has kept out.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 06.9.18 @ 06:42am

When you're a kid, it makes you feel proud when someone says "Wow! You've gotten so big since the last time I saw you!" As an adult, not so much.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 06.9.18 @ 06:42am

I don't know why I ever signed up for Facebook. I mean like seriously, this dating website sucks!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 06.9.18 @ 06:42am

When we give each other a thumbs up, it's our way of mocking every other animal on earth.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 06.9.18 @ 06:41am

I spent at least half an hour trying to get my girlfriends bra off. I will never try wearing that again.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 06.9.18 @ 06:41am

I can't wait for the day when my kids are old enough that I can drink with them and not because of them.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny drinking status update saying on Saturday, 06.9.18 @ 06:41am

Ever since I installed Adblocker, I have been severely depressed. Hot singles in my area are no longer interested in me.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 06.9.18 @ 06:41am

I came home one day all proud as can be with my report card and said to my Mom ,Look I got a B in reading , She said that's a D you moron !
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 06.9.18 @ 06:40am

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