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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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It’s called a “remote” because those are your odds of finding it when you want to change the channel.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 08.5.17 @ 09:08am

I just quit my job at the helium bottling plant. I refuse to be spoken to in that tone!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 07.30.17 @ 11:38am

If I could have sex with anyone, living or dead, I would for sure pick living.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 07.30.17 @ 11:38am

My dad taught me righty tighty, lefty loosie.... that's why I never dated left handed chicks.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 07.30.17 @ 11:37am

You find it offensive?... I find it funny.... That's why I'm happier than you
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 07.30.17 @ 11:37am

Arguing over a girl's bust size is like choosing between Molson, Heineken, Coors or Budweiser -- Men may state their preferences, but will grab whatever is available.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 07.30.17 @ 11:37am

The reason grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup are such a great combination is because they are the same basic ingredients as pizza.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 07.30.17 @ 11:37am

There is no such thing as a dirty mind. Just a sense of humor with adult content.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 07.30.17 @ 11:37am

I love myself everyday. Sometimes, twice a day.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 07.30.17 @ 11:37am

Not to brag but my new mistress is a lingerie model. OK, fine. A mannequin. But she doesn't talk much and I like that.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 07.30.17 @ 11:36am

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Never make an arm wrestle bet with a man who has been single for longer than 6 months.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 07.30.17 @ 11:36am

If I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 07.30.17 @ 11:36am

Some days, the best thing about my job is that the chair spins.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 07.30.17 @ 11:36am

There is a fine line between “hobby” and “mental illness.”
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 07.30.17 @ 11:36am

Just because you have a beard doesn't mean you're a man. Last time I checked vaginas can grow hair too.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 07.30.17 @ 11:36am

I should never have climbed into this vat of curdled milk. I'm in whey over my head.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 07.30.17 @ 11:35am

Turns out that my get rich painfully slow scheme isn't working out either.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 07.30.17 @ 11:35am

If your ever wondering who your real friends are all you have to do is delete your facebook account for about week without saying anything and see who calls
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 07.30.17 @ 11:35am

You lost your phone and it's on silent? Too bad. If you liked it then you should've put a ring on it.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 07.30.17 @ 11:35am

You mellennials and your obsession with public healthcare, back in my day we just died!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 07.30.17 @ 11:35am

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