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I'm holding cheerleader try outs for my "Fantasy football team". Full outfits are encourage but not necessary.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 09.22.18 @ 10:04am
Does rocking a vending machine count as exercise?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 09.22.18 @ 10:04am
I just found out that сосk fighting is done with chickens? That's 12 months of training gone to waste!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 09.22.18 @ 10:04am
I just hooked up my wireless printer but I'm not sure which neighbor has my documents.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 09.22.18 @ 10:04am
If you glue a dead wasp to your palm, you can smack your boss on the back of the head as hard as you want and act like you saved him.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 09.22.18 @ 10:03am
Well, to be frank, I'd have to change my name.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 09.22.18 @ 10:03am
I shouldn't have driven home from the bar last night. Especially since I walked there.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 09.22.18 @ 10:03am
I bought a high definition TV because I felt the lack of resolution was affecting my ability to solve cases on CSI
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 09.22.18 @ 10:02am
That annoying moment when you cannot find the long side of your blanket.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 09.22.18 @ 10:02am
Most people write congrats because they don't know the spelling of congrajulashions
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 09.22.18 @ 10:02am
We would like to thank everyone that submits statuses to the site. Many get rejected because we don't think they are funny, or they are unreadable, or they are to inappropriate and offensive.
I think people who use the wrong word should have the humidity to admit it.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 09.22.18 @ 10:01am
If laziness was an Olympic sport, I'd probably come in fourth so I wouldn't need to walk up to the podium.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 09.22.18 @ 10:01am
Spice things up in the bedroom by loosening the ceiling fan.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 09.22.18 @ 10:00am
Always remember to the change the oil in your time machine once every 6 months or 3,000 years.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 09.22.18 @ 10:00am
My mom's texts are so much more fun after my sister told her that WTF means "Wow, That's Fantastic."
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 09.22.18 @ 10:00am
The only difference between brown nosing and butt kissing is depth perception.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 09.22.18 @ 09:59am
If you send an e-mail to someone in jail, are you allowed to attach a file?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 09.22.18 @ 09:59am
At my age, you have home Ibuprofen and work Ibuprofen.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 09.22.18 @ 09:57am
My dog acts like he's always auditioning to be my best friend. I'm like "Dude, you already got the part...you can relax."
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 09.22.18 @ 09:57am
The only difference between a weekday and a weekend is which boss is telling me to do things.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 09.22.18 @ 09:57am