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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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I've been sober 136 days. Not in a row, but still...
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 11.26.17 @ 17:02pm

I'm dreaming of a white Christmas. But if the white runs out I'll pop open the red and drink that.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny Christmas status update saying on Sunday, 11.26.17 @ 17:02pm

People who sit and talk while their pizza is gets cold gives me anxiety.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 11.26.17 @ 17:01pm

I'll bet Amish people look forward to Thanksgiving since it's the only time their clothes look festive.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 11.26.17 @ 17:01pm

I won't be impressed with technology until I can download food.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 11.15.17 @ 09:16am

So what if I'm single now ... I mean it can't be that hard to boil toast, can it?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 11.15.17 @ 09:16am

Today's Horoscope: You're gullible.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 11.15.17 @ 09:16am

I think my new Stress Management plan is going to be alcoholism.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 11.15.17 @ 09:16am

Adulthood – Pros: You can now eat ice cream in bed. Cons: This will somehow make you sadder.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 11.15.17 @ 09:15am

Bring a side? Like, of alcohol?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 11.15.17 @ 09:15am

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Making good decisions doesn’t really go with my outfit.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 11.15.17 @ 09:15am

My grocery list is just a piece of paper saying ~ don't run into anyone you know.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 11.15.17 @ 09:15am

Pumpkin for sale! [slightly used]
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 11.15.17 @ 09:14am

A good example of mixed emotions would be finding a hundred dollar bill nailed to your tire.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 11.15.17 @ 09:14am

The hardest part of having multiple kids is explaining why only your first child has a baby book.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 11.15.17 @ 09:14am

Meanwhile on Facebook, someone has made a casserole...
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 11.15.17 @ 09:14am

Irresponsible is when your neighbor doesn't pay their wifi bill.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 11.15.17 @ 09:13am

Until they get this spell-check problem with the iPhone fixed, it would be best not to text your wife and tell her she is looking fit.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 11.15.17 @ 09:13am

If you see a road sign that says "Survey Crew Ahead" they actually are not looking for your opinions ... I know that now.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 11.15.17 @ 09:13am

You know the road is in bad shape when you drive to the grocery store and your fitbit registers 1,000 steps.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 11.15.17 @ 09:13am

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