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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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If you want to preview of the new iPhone 8 and try it out for free before buying it just look at your iPhone 7 and pretend it cost several hundred dollars more.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 10.1.17 @ 18:29pm

In post apocalyptic movies everyone wears leather ... but there are no cows.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 10.1.17 @ 18:28pm

Honestly, it's not the way I look that reveals my age. It's my use of complete sentences, proper grammar and spelling when I text.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 10.1.17 @ 18:27pm

If you use karate instead of a knife your wife won't ask you to cut the vegetables anymore
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 10.1.17 @ 18:27pm

I miss that feeling you'd get at the video store when you discovered the movie you wanted to rent was available.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 10.1.17 @ 18:27pm

Hugh Hefner dead at age 91. With the amount of Viagra that guy must have been taking, good luck closing that casket lid.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 10.1.17 @ 18:27pm

Folgers got it wrong. The best part of waking up is going back to bed after you pee.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 10.1.17 @ 18:27pm

Sarcasm is the ability to insult stupid people without them realizing it.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 10.1.17 @ 18:26pm

I'm beginning to think they invented the wireless mouse just so there was one less thing to use to hang yourself with at work.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 10.1.17 @ 18:26pm

If someone says "I'm a sub-par golfer" does that mean they're good at golf, or bad?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 10.1.17 @ 18:26pm

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I hope when I die, it's early in the morning so I don't go to work that day for no reason.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 10.1.17 @ 18:26pm

Yes, my attitude could stand some improvement but my insurance does not cover those medications.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 10.1.17 @ 18:26pm

Honestly, I have no idea what I would even do with 5 hours of energy.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 10.1.17 @ 18:25pm

Dear Equifax hackers, Please delete my student loan balance, my medical bills and change my credit score to 850. Thanks.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 09.18.17 @ 17:12pm

A man in front of me at Walmart is buying a pregnancy test. I bet this is the one time in his life he wishes she had sent him for tampons!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 09.18.17 @ 17:12pm

I don't like the term "stalker". I prefer "unpaid private investigator".
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 09.18.17 @ 17:11pm

I wish banks would do a better job of keeping their ATMs filled. This is the fourth one I've been to that is saying "Insufficient Funds."
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 09.18.17 @ 17:11pm

A hypnotist is just someone that tries to roofie you with jazz hands.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 09.18.17 @ 17:11pm

I told my psychiatrist that I've been hearing voices. He told me that I don't have a psychiatrist.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 09.18.17 @ 17:10pm

It's really ironic that I mostly use my driver's license to buy stuff that impairs my ability to drive.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 09.18.17 @ 17:10pm

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