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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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You call it "Blacking Out" I call it a "Surprise Nap"
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny drinking status update saying on Saturday, 05.19.18 @ 09:02am

Have you ever tried blind-folded archery? You don't know what you're missing.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 05.19.18 @ 09:02am

Anyone else find it odd that on Star Trek, when they "boldly go where no one has gone before" they always end up meeting someone?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 05.19.18 @ 09:02am

I wish tanning beds could pop you out like a toaster when you're finished.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 05.19.18 @ 09:02am

Imagine how out of control drinking would if we didn't have hangovers
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny drinking status update saying on Saturday, 05.19.18 @ 09:02am

I bet Jellyfish are sad that there are no Peanut Butter fish.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 05.19.18 @ 09:01am

A fine is a tax for doing wrong...and a Tax is a fine for doing well
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 05.19.18 @ 09:01am

My Bills are so big that I have to call them William now.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 05.19.18 @ 09:01am

Hard liquor because I don't don't have time or patience to sit around drinking 9 bottles of wine every day
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny drinking status update saying on Saturday, 05.19.18 @ 09:01am

Sometimes I buy huge pants and take a picture of myself holding them up just to feel like I lost a ton of weight.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 05.19.18 @ 09:01am

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Can you imagine how sexy I'd be if I ate right and took care of my body... I'm not going to, but can you imagine
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 05.19.18 @ 09:01am

Driving with your gas tank door open is the equivalent to having your zipper down.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 05.19.18 @ 09:00am

The only difference between a weekday and a weekend is which boss is telling me to do things.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 05.19.18 @ 09:00am

Targeted ads are trying to sell me a new mattress nowadays. With how much Google knows about me you'd think they'd cap themselves at something like $5 footlongs or stationary.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 05.19.18 @ 09:00am

When one door closes and another door opens, you are probably in prison.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 05.19.18 @ 09:00am

Step 1: remove food from packaging Step 2: dig packaging out of trash to locate cook time
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 05.19.18 @ 09:00am

Dogs love you even if you’re ugly.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 05.19.18 @ 08:59am

I've been taking viagara for my sunburn........ It doesn't cure it...... but it does keep the sheets off my legs at night.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 05.19.18 @ 08:59am

ME: “We have a problem, the liquor store is closed.” HER: “That's ok, I don’t drink.” ME: “Ok we have two problems.”
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 05.19.18 @ 08:59am

When I was a kid, my parents told me I could be anyone I wanted to be. Turns out, this is called "Identity Theft".
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 05.19.18 @ 08:59am

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