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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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More people should be at a loss for words.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 09.18.17 @ 17:10pm

Pet stores should post "Chameleon" on empty reptile cages just to see how long people would stand and look.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 09.18.17 @ 17:10pm

If you still can read this, please inform me ASAP because I have probably blocked the wrong person!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 09.18.17 @ 17:09pm

How many days in a row do you have to wear the same clothes until you’re legally a cartoon?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 09.18.17 @ 17:09pm

"Someday, your phone will cost more than your computer" - said no one ever.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 09.18.17 @ 17:08pm

Still waiting for a "Where are they now?" episode about the Flintstones
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 09.18.17 @ 17:08pm

Accidentally bought a bag of raw almonds. Turns out I don't like almonds, I like salt.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 09.18.17 @ 17:07pm

I'll bet other dogs must think that poodles belong to some weird religious cult.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 09.18.17 @ 17:07pm

Geez. I make one little mistake and my pharmacist now adds "by mouth" on the prescription label.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 09.18.17 @ 17:06pm

I've started an exercise program. I do 20 sit-ups each morning. That may not sound like a lot, but you can only hit that snooze button so many times.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 09.18.17 @ 17:06pm

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Dear Cashier: Stop giving me attitude and acting like your job is so complicated and stressful. Self-Checkout has proven that you are really unnecessary.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 09.18.17 @ 17:06pm

Girls with tattoos on your tits, Why? We're already looking at them.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 09.18.17 @ 17:06pm

Telling someone they shouldn't be sad because others have it worse is like telling someone they shouldn't be happy because others have it better.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 09.18.17 @ 17:04pm

You've got to love yourself ... Just not in public places
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 09.10.17 @ 11:17am

I have never preheated an oven but I have pre-eaten a frozen pizza.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 09.10.17 @ 11:17am

Who knew adulthood would involve so much Advil?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 09.10.17 @ 11:17am

I ate a shepherd's pie for lunch. He was pretty upset about it.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 09.10.17 @ 11:16am

Shaving your head is the "You can't fire me because i quit" approach to male pattern baldness.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 09.10.17 @ 11:16am

Stress balls work really well when you shove them down someone's throat.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 09.10.17 @ 11:15am

I don't care about Disney lying about the Prince Charmings out there. I'm more annoyed that random woodland creatures won't clean my house.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 09.10.17 @ 11:15am

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