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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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They say you're not supposed to go to the grocery store when you're hungry. It's been several days now, what should I do?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 11.28.16 @ 11:50am

Life tip: if someone comes out of a bathroom sweating, do not go in that bathroom.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 11.17.16 @ 12:04pm

I sometimes get road rage just pushing a shopping cart though a grocery store!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 11.17.16 @ 12:03pm

The ultimate home security system is having crappy stuff.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 11.17.16 @ 12:03pm

Fun Fact: if you took the skin of an average person and laid it out flat,you would have enough for a serious criminal conviction :)
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 11.17.16 @ 12:03pm

If your wife asks you if you know where the broom is, it's not a good idea to ask her if she is going somewhere.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 11.17.16 @ 12:03pm

Why would I pay someone to scare me at a haunted house when I could just open a can of biscuits at home?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 11.17.16 @ 12:03pm

My doctor said he's been practicing for 30 years. When will he start doing his job for real?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 11.17.16 @ 12:03pm

Ya .... That Supermoon was OK ..... But I was quite disappointed when I realized it didn't even have a cape.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 11.17.16 @ 12:03pm

What is it about being blind that makes people want to walk their dog all the time?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 11.17.16 @ 12:02pm

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I took two years of Spanish in high school, so ordering off the Taco Bell menu is super easy for me.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 11.17.16 @ 12:02pm

The first guy who bought pants had to go to the store without pants on, that's just science.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 11.17.16 @ 12:02pm

It's not that I like watching midget porn, it's just that my phone screen is too small to watch regular porn.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 11.17.16 @ 12:02pm

I am a very tolerant person until you think differently than me. Then I act like a spoiled little brat.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 11.17.16 @ 12:02pm

Lots of people waiting in lines today. Did a new iPhone just come out?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 11.17.16 @ 12:02pm

I'd publish my autobiography but it's just a bunch of liquor stained pages filled with doodles, and rants about stupid people.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 11.17.16 @ 12:01pm

Scott Baio is not a part of the Presidential transition team. Iím really disappointed that Charles is not in Charge of anything.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 11.17.16 @ 12:01pm

Here's a thought: Let's let the illegal Mexicans stay and send the whining crybabies to Mexico. At least the illegal Mexicans are willing to work.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 11.17.16 @ 12:01pm

I'm beginning to think the only reason I buy bananas is to watch them die a painful death on my counter.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 11.17.16 @ 12:01pm

Look up procrastinator on Wikipedia and you'll see a picture of me. Well there isnít yet, but there will be. Probably by tomorrow. Maybe Tuesday.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 11.17.16 @ 12:01pm

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