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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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Funny how drinking 8 glasses of water a day seems impossible, but 8 beers, and 6 shots, go down like a fat kid on a see-saw.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 08.31.17 @ 10:07am

Don't talk to me like I'm stupid until you know for sure.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 08.31.17 @ 10:07am

To the woman that won the powerball ... "what's up baby"
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 08.31.17 @ 10:07am

90% of adulthood is just deleting emails.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 08.31.17 @ 10:06am

They should make a "How It's Made" episode on how "How It's Made" is made.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 08.31.17 @ 10:06am

I don't care if its a scam! Just the fact that the Prince of Nigeria sends me personal email makes me feel special!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 08.31.17 @ 10:06am

Never buy crystal meth from a guy with a full set of teeth. He's obviously an undercover cop.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 08.31.17 @ 10:06am

If your house doesn't have house numbers on it, you need to address that situation.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 08.31.17 @ 10:06am

I remember when peer pressure was all about drugs and promiscuous sex. Now it's Fitbit and who has the best gluten free recipes.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 08.31.17 @ 10:05am

It's Saturday morning. My neighbor has mowed his lawn AND weeded his garden. I've spent ten minutes trying to reach the remote with my foot.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 08.31.17 @ 10:05am

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The fastest way to get someone to call you back is to take a shower.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 08.31.17 @ 10:04am

Pro tip: Go the the gym on one of those 1 day free passes, take 365 selfies then post one every day.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 08.31.17 @ 10:04am

I hate when a couple argues in public but I missed the start and don't know whose side I'm on.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 08.31.17 @ 10:04am

As I got older my six-pack turn into a keg.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 08.31.17 @ 10:04am

I want the time management skills of people who effortlessly carve out entire hours to be offended by every single thing on the internet.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 08.20.17 @ 12:48pm

I just saw the neighbor's kid trying to spray whipped cream on his cat. I'm thinking he overheard something last night in that house he wasn't supposed to.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 08.20.17 @ 12:48pm

Who is this "Moderation" they keep telling me to drink with?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 08.20.17 @ 12:48pm

One great thing about life before the internet was if you met someone, you didn't then have to know them the rest of your life.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 08.20.17 @ 12:48pm

Memories of you make me look forward to alzheimers.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 08.20.17 @ 12:47pm

You think your wife is crazy now? Try divorcing her
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 08.20.17 @ 12:47pm

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