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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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Who did you vote for?☐ Clinton ☐ Trump ☑ Vodka
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 11.17.16 @ 11:59am

Tired of those Political Ads on television?...... You may be entitled to compensation.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 11.6.16 @ 09:55am

If you wear your old prom dress to the pharmacy, they'll fill your antidepressants faster.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 11.6.16 @ 09:54am

Jokes on you hot chick at the bar who gave me a radio station's phone number I just won Harlem Globetrotter tickets and a Bud Light poncho.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 11.6.16 @ 09:54am

When I go into a bar I shout out "YOU CHEATING WHORE!" Whoever turns around is who I'm buying drinks for.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 11.6.16 @ 09:54am

It only takes one person to ruin it for everyone...Be that person.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 11.6.16 @ 09:54am

I've never heard an alarm going off on a car worth stealing.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 11.6.16 @ 09:54am

The recipe said "prick with a fork,",,,, but enough about me.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 11.6.16 @ 09:54am

Don't let this historic Cubs World Series win distract you from the fact that Donkey never made Shrek those waffles he promised to make.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 11.6.16 @ 09:54am

A bachelor party seems more appropriate after a divorce than before a wedding.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 11.6.16 @ 09:53am

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Studies show that 99% of Dans are not "the man."
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 11.6.16 @ 09:53am

Pumpkin for sale. Slightly used
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 11.6.16 @ 09:53am

To the teenager that flipped me off for honking at you. Your phone is on top of your car.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 11.6.16 @ 09:53am

Me, on phone to credit card company: What if you just break my kneecaps and we call it even?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 11.6.16 @ 09:53am

I can't be trusted with your alphabet magnets.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 11.6.16 @ 09:53am

If you really can make $10,000 a month working from home why would anyone take the harder job of nailing those signs to trees?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 11.6.16 @ 09:52am

The bouncer from my local nightclub calls me Macaulay Culkin because I always go home alone.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 11.6.16 @ 09:52am

Impressing the McDonald’s drive thru people with my music is always a top priority.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 11.6.16 @ 09:52am

What’s the difference between a politician and a flying pig ? The letter F ?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 11.6.16 @ 09:52am

Not to brag, but my antics at work resulted in several items being added to the employee manual.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 11.6.16 @ 09:52am

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