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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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I ate the whole box of Slim Fast bars. So excited about how skinny I'll be when I wake up tomorrow.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 07.30.17 @ 11:35am

"No, thanks. I'm a vegetarian." is a fun thing to say when someone hands you their baby.
Posted By: sonnyC137 - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.24.17 @ 22:33pm

Good For OJ, he gets to take another stab at life..
Posted By: Mancuso - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.24.17 @ 17:07pm

"Fidget Spinners are so dumb pointless." -The generation that purchased over 5 million Pet Rocks.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.24.17 @ 16:04pm

Shouldn't there have been at least one scene in The Karate Kid where Daniel's mom was like "Why are you constantly in that old man's shed?"
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.24.17 @ 16:04pm

Life before the internet was awful. Your friend would be wrong about a trivial issue during dinner and you just had to let it go
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.24.17 @ 16:04pm

Having to cash in my State Quarter Collection's map for gas money is reaching a new low.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.24.17 @ 16:03pm

Politicians are people who have too little an amount of morals and ethics to remain lawyers.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.24.17 @ 16:03pm

In case of fire, do not use the elevator. Use water...
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.24.17 @ 16:03pm

Earlier this morning, I was invited to join an XXX Facebook group. I was somewhat intrigued until I realized it was a group for guys who like to wear really really big shirts.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.24.17 @ 16:03pm

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I just want to read, have a snack, then take a nap. Basically, I just want to be in kindergarten again.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.24.17 @ 16:03pm

Last night, I fell asleep with one of those new e-cigarettes in my mouth. I woke up half an hour later & my whole apartment was on the internet.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.24.17 @ 16:01pm

I like to read magazines about parenting. That way, I can learn all the things my parents did wrong and I can go back to them and say "See? This is the reason I am like I am."
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.24.17 @ 16:01pm

How do you spot a blind man at a nude beach? It's not hard.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.24.17 @ 15:59pm

Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.24.17 @ 15:59pm

Rump roast is called rump roast because nobody would eat it if it was called cow's ass
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.24.17 @ 15:58pm

Doc: ''Hows your headache ?'' Me: ''She's at home''
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 07.21.17 @ 15:39pm

My dentist just told me I need a crown..... I know, right??
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 07.20.17 @ 06:21am

My doctor prescribed me xanax instead of birth control pills I asked for. Now I have 9 kids, but I don't care.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 07.20.17 @ 06:11am

Can you imagine the reactions 25 years ago if you showed someone a photo album of pictures you took of yourself in the bathroom?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 07.20.17 @ 06:07am

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