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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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I can walk up to any dog, rub its belly and make a friend ... That trick rarely works on people.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 03.17.18 @ 11:49am

I'd like to read an obituary that says "He laid down the boogie and played that funky music till he died."
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 03.17.18 @ 11:49am

I've been diagnosed with a chronic fear of giants. Feefiphobia.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 03.17.18 @ 11:49am

You know you've reached adulthood when your bed is in the middle of the wall instead of in the corner.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 03.17.18 @ 11:49am

You can tell a lot about someone by whether they read HP as horsepower or hit points.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 03.17.18 @ 11:48am

I just saw a woman at Walmart with March Madness teeth ... She was down to the final four.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 03.17.18 @ 11:48am

Got a new blood pressure monitor, says it turns off after 6 minutes of inactivity .....
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 03.17.18 @ 11:47am

If wookies have a 400 year life span, then Han Solo is basically like Chewbacca's third dog.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 03.17.18 @ 11:47am

Being a camera must be pretty cool. You get to sleep until there's something cool to see.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 03.17.18 @ 11:47am

My therapist says I have imposter syndrome. But come on, I'm not good enough to have something fancy like that.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 03.17.18 @ 11:47am

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The Best Excuse given by a Lady for Missing Work ! "My husband took an overdose of Viagra.....Couldn't leave him alone with the Maid"
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 03.17.18 @ 11:46am

Surgery is just stabbing someone to life.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 03.17.18 @ 11:46am

Women have a lot more experience dealing with bloodstains than men. Men are convicted of murder a lot more than women. Coincidence?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 03.17.18 @ 10:58am

I'm not leaving here without some kind of balloon.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 03.17.18 @ 10:58am

What's the difference between a Garbanzo Bean and a Chickpea? I never had a Garbanzo Bean on my face.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 03.17.18 @ 10:57am

Space heaters are the perfect housewarming gifts.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 03.17.18 @ 10:56am

Please rephrase your question in the form of a compliment.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 03.17.18 @ 10:55am

How does one get suspended with full pay and benefits? Asking for a friend who is actually me.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 03.17.18 @ 10:55am

This is bullshit. It's like the cops don't even know that the speed limit is different when you're listening to AC/DC.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 03.17.18 @ 10:55am

Did you know you can go to any gym without having to announce it on Facebook?
Posted By: Sage - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 03.8.18 @ 22:01pm

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