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Sometimes I drink water just to surprise my liver
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 08.26.18 @ 17:34pm
You know you're getting old when bending over is a one-way trip.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 08.25.18 @ 12:48pm
Why is it called mooning when you're actually showing uranus?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 08.25.18 @ 12:48pm
eHarmony matched me with a bean bag chair with duct tape on it
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 08.25.18 @ 12:48pm
If you think buying condoms is awkward, try returning them...
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 08.25.18 @ 12:46pm
I hate it when people radiotype us blondes as dumb.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 08.25.18 @ 12:46pm
I'm great at spelling bees ... But hopless at spelling other words.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 08.25.18 @ 12:46pm
So a year ago today I asked a really beautiful friend out on a date and today I asked her to marry me. She said no both times.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 08.25.18 @ 12:46pm
Business plan : 1. hold sign that says "free hugs" 2. Whisper during the hug, "it's $50 to let go"
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 08.25.18 @ 12:45pm
Kids may be a gift, but I like playing with the box it came in.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 08.25.18 @ 12:45pm
We would like to thank everyone that submits statuses to the site. Many get rejected because we don't think they are funny, or they are unreadable, or they are to inappropriate and offensive.
Do gun manuals haue a trouble shooting section?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 08.25.18 @ 12:45pm
Living alone is pretty cool, I don't even know if my bathroom door closes
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 08.25.18 @ 12:45pm
Sometimes I think hip hop music gets a bad rap.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 08.25.18 @ 12:44pm
I might get a job cleaning mirrors,its a job I can see myself doing.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 08.25.18 @ 12:44pm
I'm afraid if I start working out, I'll be too sexy
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 08.25.18 @ 12:43pm
Apparently I snore so loudly that it scares everyone in the car I'm driving.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 08.25.18 @ 12:42pm
Remember, pretty much all of the “tough guys” you see on TV and movies were theater majors in college.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 08.25.18 @ 12:42pm
The phrase "the truth shall set you free" does not apply to murder.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 08.25.18 @ 12:42pm
A hospital is the only commercial establishment where the worse service they provide you, the more you'll come back.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 08.25.18 @ 12:42pm
Big shout-out to slugs for doing everything a snail does but without a helmet.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 08.25.18 @ 12:41pm