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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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Relationship status: sleeping in my bed diagonally.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 12.5.17 @ 13:53pm

Sometimes you can just tell it's going to be a "Does not play well with others" kind of day.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 12.5.17 @ 13:49pm

Golf is finally starting to pay off. I just signed a contract with Nike for a large sum of money in return for agreeing never to be seen playing with any of their equipment.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 12.5.17 @ 13:47pm

if your happy and you know it ---thank your ex
Posted By: Guest..roxyboy - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 12.4.17 @ 06:02am

I like them big and fake. ~Me talking about Christmas trees
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny Christmas status update saying on Sunday, 11.26.17 @ 17:40pm

No matter how many lasagnaís you stack on top of each other, ultimately itís always just one lasagna
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 11.26.17 @ 17:09pm

I'm pretty sure all dogs can smell drugs. It's just that most of them aren't snitches.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 11.26.17 @ 17:09pm

Can't wait to be full of Christmas beer! I mean cheer. No, I definitely mean beer.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny Christmas status update saying on Sunday, 11.26.17 @ 17:09pm

Just because you're not paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 11.26.17 @ 17:08pm

I don't always drink beer. But when I do, I always lie about not always drinking beer.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 11.26.17 @ 17:08pm

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A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 11.26.17 @ 17:08pm

If cats could text you back, they wouldn't.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 11.26.17 @ 17:08pm

People don't want the ugly truth, they would prefer a beautiful lie.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 11.26.17 @ 17:07pm

Technically it was Moses that had the first tablet that could connect to the cloud.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 11.26.17 @ 17:06pm

Dear Santa, I was framed!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 11.26.17 @ 17:06pm

My dad always used to say, "The sky's the limit!" Which is probably why he got fired from his job at NASA.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 11.26.17 @ 17:05pm

"Probiotic" sounds a lot better than "bacteria infested"
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 11.26.17 @ 17:05pm

For once Iíd like to get kicked INTO a bar
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 11.26.17 @ 17:05pm

If you live by the sword, I guess that is pretty cool. I live by some trees and shit.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 11.26.17 @ 17:04pm

Men are trained from birth that happiness comes from either boobs or a bottle.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 11.26.17 @ 17:03pm

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