The biggest benefit of getting new clothes for Christmas is that I don't have to do laundry for another week or two.

The downside of being a bomb disposal technician. It takes 6 hours to open Christmas gifts.

An easy way to tell people you don't like them is to send them a Christmas card with glitter on it.

Place aluminum foil in a paper shredder ... BOOM TINSEL !!

Wait till they realize that Frosty has no pants and smokes a pipe in front of children.

Well, I guess we are going to see "The Nutcracker" on Saturday! My mother-in-law, not the play...

FOUR STAGES OF A MANS LIFE : 1. You believe in santa. 2. You don't believe in santa. 3. You are santa. 4. You look like santa.

Gonna go lay under the Christmas tree to remind my family I'm a gift

You've already put up your Christmas tree? That's nothing. I'm already drunk for St. Patrick's Day.

I was Christmas shopping for a friend's daughter... I asked what she was into and he said "anything Frozen" So, I got her a bag of peas and some pizza rolls.

Check out our new Multiple Choice Trivia Site

        www.multiplechoicetrivia.com

I guess I�ll take my Christmas tree down today.

Jingle all the way. Nobody likes a half-assed jingler.

Ever notice your Christmas stocking has just enough room for chocolates and a bottle of wine. Coincidence? I don't think soooo.

"Oh wow, it's a fruit cake! I'm going to eat some of it right now" ...said no one ever.

Some of us live thousands of miles away from the majority of our relatives and can't be with them for the holidays. But don't be jealous.

Christmas tip: Wrap empty boxes and put them under the tree. Everytime your child acts up, throw one in the fireplace.

You've already put up your Christmas tree? That's nothing. I'm already drunk for St. Patrick's Day.

Sorry if my phone keeps calling you, it's voice activated. I'm at the mall and everytime santa says Ho, Ho, Ho, it dials your number

A touching letter by a little girl to Santa on Christmas: Dear Santa, Please give clothes to all those poor ladies in daddy's laptop

We welcome the Christmas season at my house by putting out more towels that I am not allowed to touch