When you buy Halloween candy to hand out as an adult, it's like you are paying for all the free candy you got when you were a kid.

I'm putting more thought into my Halloween costume than into my job.

I don't know what's scarier. Houses with Halloween decorations or houses that still have up Christmas decorations from last year.

Halloween is my favorite holiday where you can trespass on a stranger's property and make a non-negotiable demand.

I was going to change my profile pic to a pumpkin for Halloween, but it didn't look that much different from my actual head.

Halloween is great because kids just show up at your door and hold out bags of candy for you to steal

Why can't Ghosts have babies? Cuz' they have Hollow weenies! 😂

Decades have gone by and STILL my parents have not given back the Halloween candy they took from me "for safe keeping".

The number one reason why trick or treating is better than sex is, you can do the whole neighborhood.

I thought about dressing up as Turn Signal for Halloween, but nobody around here knows what that is............

Check out our new Multiple Choice Trivia Site

        www.multiplechoicetrivia.com

I'm surprised kids haven't found a way to trick or treat online yet

That awkward moment when you can�t tell if it�s a Halloween costume or their regular clothes�

Halloween is the perfect time to redistribute those undesired condiment packets of ketchup, mustard, BBQ & soy sauce.

I need to borrow someones kid for Halloween. I miss free candy.

Happy Halloween� may all of your skeletons stay in the closet where they belong!

Passed a vampire, a zombie, and a prostitute on the way to work tonight. Not sure which ones were in costume�

For Halloween I'm going as an invisible person. I will be at all your parties.

Okay kids don't ever talk to strangers or take candy from strangers or go to stranger's houses except on the day we worship the devil.

8 more days and I will finally get rid of last years Halloween candy.

If I pay $30 for a haunted house I better die.