I bet when spiders see those fake green cob webs on Halloween they must be like "Ugh, tourists".

Couples Halloween costumes always end up looking like one person went along with it to save the relationship.

Who needs Halloween decorations when I can just put up my selfies?

The main thing I learned from watching my wife carve pumpkins is she�s really good at stabbing things. I should probably be nicer to her.

I think for Halloween I am going to go as Karma. Some of you should be worried.

This Halloween, the only Candy I'm interersted in swings from a pole and has daddy issues

I have officially bought the first batch of Halloween candies that will not make it to Halloween.

My costume worked so well that the people at the bank gave me all their money.

Thank you Halloween, all of a sudden, cobwebs in my house are decorations!!!

A pi�ata is NOT a good idea for a Halloween costume.

Check out our new Multiple Choice Trivia Site

        www.multiplechoicetrivia.com

Almost time to get me a bag of assorted candy. Last year I got mine from Batman. Superhero my ass. He wasn't as tall as I expected... and he cried like a little kid.

For Halloween I'm dressing up as a Scooby Doo character and then ripping people's masks off.

When I was a kid I use to change costumes a few times and revisit houses to get more candy.

How to save money on Halloween candy, set a empty bowel on the front porch and write a nice note that says please only take one piece of candy, that way everyone can have some.

I'll be your trick if you'll be my treat.

If the trick or treaters really want to scare me this year, then they should all dress up as Visa statements.

finally figured out I would just be "Awesome" for Halloween, but I realized I didn't need a costume...just vodka. Lots and lots of vodka.

For Halloween I'm going to write "Life" on a plain white T-shirt and hand out lemons to strangers

Whoever decided this Halloween candy is the "fun" size is not someone I care to party with.

bets living in a nudist colony takes all the fun out of Halloween.