I simply haven�t seen enough solid evidence that suggests not drinking is better than drinking.

In case I drink too much and pass out for a while, Merry Christmas you guys.

Teens, you should not being getting drunk. You're annoying enough as it is

Vodka and denial are cheaper than therapy.

Apparently I'm the only one that wants to drink beer at this intervention.

Why is it always "I see you drank all the beer today!" instead of, "Oh, honey, that was so sweet of you to help clean out the refrigerator."

At long last, I've finished my research into the effect alcohol has on physical movement.....The results were, quite frankly, staggering.

Oh the weather outside is frightful, And this booze is damn delightful

You know you're an alcoholic when the only Holiday cards that you get are from your neighborhood pubs.

Alcohol is like laxatives for constipated thoughts. The more you drink, the more sh!t that comes out your mouth.

Check out our new Multiple Choice Trivia Site

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"I wasn't that drunk!" Dude, you ran into my house, crying and screaming "HELP! THE MOON IS FOLLOWING ME!"

Exercise makes you look and feel better naked ... But, so does Tequila

My favorite drink is the fullest one on the table.

Why Am I Sober? - A Horror Story

You make me want to be a drunker person

My 6yo's homework today is learning how to count backwards. Yep, that teacher knows about DUIs alright!

Of course I'm using OJ as a mixer, it's flu season.

My boss told me that there is no such thing as problems, only opportunities. I said, �That�s great. Well I have a serious drinking opportunity.�

I'm an organ donor, but I'm pretty sure all they're going to use my liver for is "after" photos.

Looking back, it was a good thing I was too wasted to fire up the chainsaw.